Heart & Soul

Post No. 322

2006-06-01T21:33:00.000+08:00

Goodbye.

5 times and counting

2006-05-29T20:22:00.000+08:00

Four times when playing 3-ppl-mj and once when playing 4-ppl-mj. Yups, I've hu 13-yao 5 times now. I think I'm addicted to 13-yao attempts. Every round must try it at least once lol.

And i'm damn bored now coz im in front of my lappy and not a green table with 148 tiles. But i'd rather be bored than at work doing wc shit, sch package shit and daily shit. Peace.

2006-05-29T20:16:00.000+08:00

create your own visited country map

Waiting for CL final to start...

2006-05-18T02:07:00.000+08:00

Today I covered the schools A div rugby final and just left the pitch not knowing what to think. As much as i love sports, sometimes i think it's just one hell of a cruel joke (*thinks of FA cup final...*).

RJ were leading 10-3 with about five/six minutes left. then SA scored a try and conversion to make it 10-10. and guess what, with the LAST action of the game, SA went on to score a try and the final whistle blew. Crazy crazy celebrations.

Loyalties aside, I cld feel SA's joy. I mean, seriously, their first title since 1989, that's frigging 17 years..almost as old as the players themselves. And the natural underdog-rooting side of me was pleased for them. But obv coming fr RJ made me feel the pain of their players even more. Tall, relatively big guys crumbling to the floor. Not even tearing, not even crying, but wailing. They needed people to pick them up from the ground. Distraught, disconsolate, just smashed. Been to a couple of finals this year and i must say this was the one with the most angst from the losing team.

There's always sth about sch finals that's so special. The emotions are just so raw. Sometimes I feel that the bigger events than sch finals are of less importance. And this just means so much to so many. I guess a lot has to do with the level of competitiveness, cause you're playing with others so close to your standard.

After sch finals like the one today, i just leave with 1) a sun-burnt face 2) a heavy heart. Bah.

In better news...

Phoenix Suns won today, yay. And...*drumroll*...

I found a fellow blackburn fan in our new admin assistant. MUAHAHHAHAHAHA. I could hardly believe it. Today he said: I see emerton and savage on your table. Blackburn fan? And for the next 15 minutes, it was all about Blackburn man. =) No longer (that) outnumbered at the desk hahaha.

2006-05-16T01:33:00.000+08:00

Inspired by fatty's 13yao, i made more than my usual attempts of gunning for a 13yao that day. And WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i did it! Hahahahaha. Although it was with 3 players not 4, but man did it feel good! On the same day I almost had a da si xi as well haha. Opened my tiles and had 2 dong 2 xi 2 nan.. was slurping away. Then fatty who was zhuang started the ball rolling by... throwing a bei :( Didn't managed to pong bei but it was still a spectac finish nevertheless. Hehe.

Anyway to show how bored my epl-less nights are, I've been playing loads of pacman at http://www.thepcmanwebsite.com/media/pacman_flash/ I think I can officially retire from it after reaching round 21. Haha. From round 16, you can't eat the ghosts anymore!! Hurhur my self-proclaimed feat...

Ok now, I just need more mj in my life and more brainless activities to keep myself occupied. Oh ya, after eating the worst (in terms of value-for-money) lasagne that day, I'm determined to learn how to make my own. One day...

An old number. Now playing.

2006-05-15T22:32:00.000+08:00

Janet Jackson - Again

I heard from a friend today
And she said you were in town
Suddenly the memories came back to me in my
Mind

Chorus
How can I be strong I’ve asked myself
Time and time I’ve said
That I’ll never fall in love with you again

A wounded heart you gave
My soul you took away
Good intentions you had many
I know you did

I come from a place that hurts
And God knows how I’ve cried
And I never want to return
Never fall again

Making love to you
Oh it felt so good and
Oh so right

Chorus
So here we are alone again’
Didn’t think it’d come to this
And to know it all began
With just a little kiss

I’ve come too close to happiness
To have it swept away
Don’t think I can take the pain
No never fall again

Kinda late in the game and my heart is in
Your hands
Don’t you stand there and then
Tell me you love
Me then leave again
Cause I’m falling in love with
You again

Hold me
Hold me
Don’t ever let me go
Say it just one time
Say you love me
God knows I do
Love you
Again

If only reality was like fantasy

2006-05-12T21:44:00.000+08:00

Two posts in as many days. I guess I'm just bored now that there's no epl in my life. Argh, withdrawal symptoms. Coupled with no mj session today.. very sian. Time to recap some epl memories.

Yahoo fantasy agt yishen. Trailed many weeks.. up till the kick-off of the final week. But with some good fortune, just snatched it at the death. =)

Winning this fantasy provided much more satisfaction. Alvin kept breathing down my neck. Almost had this one stolen at the death.

Can't wait for next season already (for more reasons that one).

Verbal diarrhoea

2006-05-10T21:25:00.000+08:00

Random thoughts

1. It's great to be a journalist when contacts give you a pair of GV grand tix for Mission Impossible III and coupons for free popcorn and drinks.
2. It's not so great when the ticket stub reads 6:50pm. 99/100 working days, you're still in the office then.
3. I hope tomorrow is that 1/100 day.
4. I miss the EPL already. Badly.
5. Post-season wishlist: Eidur Gudjohnsen and Steed Malbranque.
6. G*vt ruling: all windows to be retrofitted. Cost: More than $400.
7. G*vt gift (PP): $200.
8. Nett: -$200. Mood: =(
9. Got another parking fine yesterday while waiting to interview a coach. Best part was that I didn't even notice it coz I was drenched as I rushed back to the car. The wiper and rain defaced the ticket...
10. Fatty is sitting in the mahjong goddess throne at the moment after gaming with 13 yao.
11. Too bad I didn't see it with my own eyes? No. She took a photo of it. Haha.
12. Indecent Proposal is a good show. Can everything be labelled with a price? Maybe not. But maybe.
13. I don't know how many times I've said this but I'll say it again. Oprah rocks. Whether it's celebs or the so called 'ordinary' people, there's always a great story. I've a bad habit when a star is on Oprah. I like to know their background so I'll go Wikipedia and search during the commercials.
Do you know that...
...At fifteen, Charlize Theron witnessed the death of her father; he was an abusive alcoholic, and her mother shot him in self-defense when he attacked her.
...Faith Hill was adopted.
...a mother diagnosed with breast cancer couldn't bear to part with her baby girl that she made hundreds of videotapes in which she told her everything from how to wear make up, what makes a good boyfriend, how much she was loved by her, etc.. In one of the tapes she said that when shes gone she'll want her husband to remarry (and he did). She also prepared presents for all her daughter's upcoming birthdays and xmases. Amazing.
Somehow, watching Oprah always puts life into perspective.

Europe, here we come!

2006-05-03T04:56:00.000+08:00

5am, arguably should be sleeping. But I've got to savour this moment because there haven't been many times this past month or so where I've been able to laugh and smile.

But to see and hear Ewood Park rocking the last 10 minutes and all the supporters cheering Blackburn on, it was magnificent. You can't choose a better way to get into Europe after a superb season. Being the first team to beat the champions. (And so they rested some players. But hey, we were missing our two centre-backs and zurab and neill were just fantastic tonight.) Anyway, nth shd take the gloss away from a great win and a great season.

Never seen hughes show so much emotion as he did tonight. The celebrations all round were brilliant.

I.wish.I.was.there.

If only life was so predictable

2006-04-22T00:12:00.000+08:00

It happened again. 17th minute, 80th minute, 88th minute and 91st minute.

It never looked like happening but once agn... FOUR goals! *gasp*

2006-04-17T17:12:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging for a long time because other than the fact that i've been pretty busy, i don't feel motivated to blog. because shit just keeps happening and i don't want to use blogging as an outlet to complain because its tiring to listen to my own complaints, so why put people through that? which is ironic because at the start i thought blogging was therapautic, but im starting to feel its not the case at all. so much so that im contemplating putting an end to all of this. it has always been out of character anyway. and to know that i will never ever reveal my most painful moments tells me that perhaps i shd not blog at all.

so maybe this will be the last, i don't know. maybe somewhere down the road my fingers will start itching agn.

this has been such a tough 3 or so weeks for me. frankly i dont know how i survived work when my brain, mind, soul, is somewhere else. im so thankful for a four-day break thanks to claiming one day off, the wkend and of course gd fri. but i don't know how im gg to get back to focus when i start work tom.

matters are worse because ppl around me are not happy either. and sometimes i just cant tell if i want to be the one in a shithole or my friends. because at least when ure in your own shithole, you know the depths of it, you know your own despair, frustrations, pain. but when it happens to others, you don't know exactly what they are gg through and you are not in control of the situation. (not like im exercising control on my own situation but at least i feel i can salvage it with time.)

and its so funny how im trying to dish out advice and my 2 cents worth when i know exactly what is needed to solve my own problems. but for the life of me, i cant listen to my own advice so who am i kidding to think other ppl will listen to mine. sometimes, people are just so strange. you know the answers but you choose to ignore them.

and as usual there is only ONE consolation when you're in a shithole. and this consolation consistently surfaces and resurfaces in the darkest hours. that is: you always learn more about yourself, and that much more about others around you.

Oops I did it again.

2006-03-31T23:58:00.000+08:00

As I said, everytime I cover S-league, it's high scoring. In particular 4 goals. And it happened again. When I wanted to buy three and four goals again. In the end I was too lazy and as I watched the match and the time ticked on, I thought: phew.

Then in the 89th min. Bang. 1-2. 92nd minute. Bang. 2-2. Wow. It happened again.

*speechless*

A very happy me

2006-03-27T02:12:00.000+08:00

A few things could have resulted in a better yesterday but in truth, I couldn't have asked for more.

The day started out with a bang. Called my parents as I usually do on weekends. Today I confirmed with my dad all the countries I've visited (for Amazing Race application) and I'm mighty impressed that he rems where I've been to better than I. Then he said my mom needs a laptop so I suggested giving her mine and he said I can get one for myself. YAY! *woooot woooot wooooooooot*

Now I'm in a dilemma. A good one - spoilt for choice!! I've always wanted a mac/a very small and portable laptop/a very big screen desktop (i.e the mac cinema display one) but somehow, due to practicalities, it'll be none of the above. Sony Vaio is leading the race by a considerable margin :) Wheeeeeeeeeeee I'm just so excited.

Just as I left my house to go for lunch and lappy-window-shopping, ck called and asked me to do a story. Spent the next hr or so trying to get xueling on her cell and subsequently, interviewing her.

So there went my rest day. *snap* I really hope I'm given a free day in exchange man. I need time to fill up the amazing race application form which is oh-so-long. And film the video(s) which have yet to be conceptualised.

Then came midnight and a new day. Thanks twin, for being the first on the day :) and the tear-jerking post. Thanks to jenson, for being so spot on despite being almost a day behind. And for his pressie across the miles. Thanks to fatty though i don't appreciate being called pudgy wudgy ;) despite some truth in it. Thanks to sistas jean and huiwen. i loved your singing =) And of course, thanks to my parents, who never fail to amaze me. E-card, what a surprise. I never knew they knew such things exist! Thanks Seowhui. And to a few others who I doubt visit this site.

It takes a bit for me to take my off the ball (or rather, the tv) on sunday nights but I was well and truly swept away.

Indeed, it is a blessing. And a few of such moments put me to shame because for some who never forget each year... unfortunately, i can't say the same for myself. And I must and will work on that.

Just hope this is the start of a great week because it's gg to be a busy one. Scheduled to work on Sunday so won't have back-to-back off days. And sat morn is meant for fyp meeting.

Ok... it's back to the never ending application form for me. Can the producers choose us pls? :)

Esp for Raine and Fatty!!

2006-03-22T21:39:00.000+08:00

I'm watching amazing race now as I look through the eligibility and application proceduce of AR asia.

Key points:

1. During the course of the race, teams may be asked to drive vehicles with manual and/or automatic transmissions. Each team is responsible for ensuring that at least one member can drive a vehicle with a manual transmission, and at least one for automatic. Each team is responsible for the consequences of not having a valid driver's license or their inability to drive or operate a given vehicle, and the Producer is not obligated to provide any instructions or assistance of any kind to any Team in connection with the operation of any vehicle. Any Team members who do not have a valid driver's license shall not drive or operate any motorized vehicles which require a valid driver's license to operate.

2. Q: My partner lives in a different country from me. We can’t record an audition tape together. Can we send separate videos of ourselves?
A: In such a case, separate videos are accepted as long as both videos combined do not exceed 3 minutes in duration. However, your team might be at a disadvantage as we will not be able to see you and your partner together, and judge your team chemistry.

3. Q: What is the duration of the race? And when will it start?
A: If selected as a participant, you and your teammate must be willing to travel to numerous locations around the world lasting proximately 30 to 40 days starting sometime mid year of 2006.

4. Q: Can I submit entries with different partners?
A: You can submit more than one video entry that each features a different partner. Each entry should only comprise of two members (ie you and one partner), and only one application per team will be accepted.

http://www.axn-asia.com/buzzsites/the_amazing_race_asia/

COME ON RAINE AND FATTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let's send a video!!!!!

Macca autograph

2006-03-22T01:33:00.000+08:00

Another one for the autograph collection. Actually I didn't even know what to ask ys to help me get it signed on, so I gave my namecard. What else was there in the office right? But thank goodness star sports gave sth more decent. Star sports rocks this week coz they are showing blackburn. Haha :)

2006-03-20T23:52:00.000+08:00

Most Mondays are slow days in the office. Well, slower. And it was no different for me today because I had no story.

So i had a nice, pretty long lunch with hw sista at simply bread. first time eating there, pretty good. had dinner at brazil, also for the first time, w sistas and our super nice tutor at night. food was good. company, excellent.

Anyway, back to after lunch... At the back of my mind i knew they'd be showing the commonwealth women's table tennis finals at 1pm. Didn't think of making special efforts to stay back and watch it but thought i wld catch it if i had a chance. Just to support and to slack all at the same time ;)

And so i got back at 1plus and they were showing the third singles. Looked up and saw pf playing agt a very very very familiar face. it didnt take me long to realise it was the person who handed me my most embarrassing moment in table tennis. biggest defeat ever which left my confidence severely dented. i must say, i was glad pf beat her! for more reasons than one.

Congrats to the local kid who is $30k richer. Must say that when I first saw her arrive on the scene, I wld never have expected this from her. Kudos. And for that matter, the local kid who is $15k richer in the mens team. So he missed SEA games and $10k divided by 5. Looks like he got the bigger prize. Life goes down and up very quickly and vice versa. Always got to take your chances when they come. Never know if they'll ever come round agn.

Sometimes I really wonder how sportsmen/women cope with the past. Would have loved to be the one interviewing Steve McManaman tom though ys will be doing that. And rightly so since he's the pool fan. Anyway i'll be covering a soccer match agn (my advice: go spore pools and buy many goals because every single damn game ive gone to... about 5-6 now have all been very high scoring). Having said that, if tom 0-0 or 1 goal then really suck thumb. Especially for me coz a boring game means i might not have stuff to write lol. I really won't want that!!!

Ck wants me to write an analytical piece tom or rather from now on and wants no more match reports. When he brought it up, I cldnt help but agree that 90% run of play just sucks. Doesnt require much fr the reporter and is relatively easy to churn out. Which helps when 1) ive no laptop so ive to file very quickly after i reach the office 2) offstone is nv far away 3) last game was in tampines and same for toms game. But part of me is looking forward to the new challenge tom. Whether I can do a commentary in 45 mins to an hr. Or rather, if I can do a commentary at all. Everyone can do run of play. Can I rise above that? Overnight? Please let me find an angle with ease tomorrow.

Let's end on a light note. One of those things I want to look back and laugh at. Fatty is hilarious sometimes. P.S tweaked for maximum effect ;)

She gave me the url an mtv.

little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
go watch
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
u'll love it
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
i usually dont like stuff like these
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
but i thot the mtv was damn well made!
xinyi says:
ok

*i tried to download it*

little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
are u watching?!
xinyi says:
still loading
xinyi says:
my goodness
xinyi says:
i just refreshed
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
*slaps forehead*
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
i dont like pple to be so inefficient you know?!
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
grrrr
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
chop chop
xinyi says:
.........
xinyi says:
link doesnt work
xinyi says:
i give up
xinyi says:
wad video is it btw
xinyi says:
might have seen it b4
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
bon jovi
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
i'm all abt loving you
xinyi says:
cheh ive seen it b4
xinyi says:
parachute rite
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
damn!
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
thot can impress you with my stunning mtv
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
cheh
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
sian ah
xinyi says:
wah lao.
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
u veri veri non sporting ah
xinyi says:
do u noe HOW LONG AGO this mtv is
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
hahaha
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
ok ok
xinyi says:
do u noe
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
I KNOW
xinyi says:
u say u say

*I just had to rub it in*

xinyi says:
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
i dont like pple to be so inefficient you know?!
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
BUT I DIDNT LIKE THE SONG UNTIL I SAW THE MTV
AND I DIDNT WANT TO WATCH THE MTV COZ I DONT LIKE THE SONG
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
UNDERSTAND????!!!!!
xinyi says:
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
i dont like pple to be so inefficient you know?! UNDERSTAND????!!!!!
little miss muffet: your love is like vegas, baby says:
SHADDUP!

Golf!

2006-03-17T11:32:00.001+08:00

Went to Laguna yesterday for only the second time in my life. It's a nice club and the course looks beautiful from where I was standing.

I realised... I want to learn how to play golf! But it's so ex. And I'm too old for the golf programme where the kids don't pay a cent! I guess I'll try to learn the game by 30.

Feeling: hopeful.

It's been awhile!

2006-03-06T12:36:00.000+08:00

Covering S-league tonight so I get the morning and early afternoon off :) Finally a chance to ramble.

I celebrated the end of two months of non-stop work with this.

It was pretty impulsive, as 90% of my buys are. But I have been wanting a tv in my room for the longest time. And harvey norman didnt give me much of an option with a one-week sale which I only took notice of 2 days ago!

So with some research on the net and a few calls to Starhub, I decided to GO FOR IT!

And the feeling of happiness when I decided to get it was amazing. I never knew being so much poorer made me so much happier lol.

With a need to pamper myself and it being a world cup year, i'd say it's fully justified hahahahaha. I just know i lost the ability to tell anyone they are splurging and hence shdn't buy the object of their desire. Kaka.

Can't wait to get it wired up! :P And perhaps mount it on the wall in future.

Ok, so that was the most spectacular thing that has happened in what is at present, a very boring, mundane life.

I can't even play a good round of mahjong without getting penalised for it, it's scary. Last week, I played two sessions, twice I was fined $50 and it is RIDICULOUS. I was parked in a white lot and the offence: parking in a season lot without the season label. Going to appeal!!

Been working on the school sports pages of late. It's a lot more challenging that it looks. Boss wants to me find the most stunning student athletes like the one-arm soccer player yishen found last year. Everyday sunday eh? And compiling the scores of all the zone finals is just a pain in the ass. So much so for getting all the detailed names and scores (as requested), typing them all out... and having them dumped for space. OMG. Those teachers (esp the one who went home and then went back to school to help me get the info) will be hopping mad... as I was.

Quite pleased with the a level story though. For one, it was so much better than the o-level story experience. Once agn... n*tball singapore gave me wrong info but luckily I checked again to avoid ANOTHER correction story.

For one story, I went back to rj for the first time since i left it. It was an emotional return i guess, maybe because there were lots of emotions given it was the a-level results day. Somehow, rj always makes me feel very small (not in a bad way). But that day, I felt that way for two reasons. 1) the usual everybody in rj is so freaking smart way.. i was never in that league. it's very humbling... to hear that 60% of their students got 4As. I was just at the back of the hall talking to a former teacher of mine and was in full admiration of what those students achieved. It is truly UNREAL.. all those statistics of the distinctions and all. 2) the school is hugeeeeeeeee now. For one, i got lost. Yup, which never ever ever happens in the old place. Then, there are countless lifts and an ATM machine for goodness sakes. (For them to withdraw money to watch movie at j8? but wait.. j8 has atm machines. Ya ya, i'm just jealous.) It took me a while to walk from the canteen to the hall which is oh-so-beautiful.

I've never really felt that I missed rj. Sure, I had some good times there but I know i really didn't make the most of my two years there in many ways. I miss sec sch so much more. But somehow that day i really sensed i missed it, and prob a tinge of regret that i let those two years slip by without a trace. actually ive carried the same (not-so-gd) attitude with me in uni... i can already see the 4 yrs sliding away. Maybe I should rejoin my cca again in my final year and try and do more stuff.

What's the last thing I wanted to blog about? Oh... last week our colleague got into hospital after he accidentally chopped off his thumb. Argh so sad and so unfortunate. But thankfully, hes ok now!

Anyway, while we were at SGH, ck was telling me how familiar he is with this building - because he had cancer afew years ago and came here pretty often. Then he showed me a lump on his neck and said there's a new growth but he won't go back to the doctors. The reason: he wants to prove that there is a God. He asked me: If I don't go to the doctors and the lump goes away, will you believe in God?

I didn't really know what to say. All I know is that it's silly not to see the doctor when you should. But at the same time, I have nothing but respect for his faith. He says he's gg to write a book on it and as long as even one person turns to God because of it, the "risk" which he is taking (which he doesn't even deem a risk because his faith is so strong he knows it will go away) will be worth it.

I don't know if that is gullible or powerful. If someone I love took this option I would really go insane. I asked him what he would do if his son was really sick but didn't want to see the doctor.. leaving it to God. He said, that is his choice, and evidently he has made his.

Perhaps religion does take away weakness in people. Because I certainly don't have such strength to attempt to fight such odds. At the end of the day, I'm glad it helps some people. And I hope it works.

Try this okay?

2006-02-22T01:21:00.000+08:00

Hello all!

Pls go to the following links and try this out ok? Won't take long :)

http://kevan.org/johari?name=LinXinyi

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=LinXinyi

P.S Did anyone by any chance tape the last episode of the apprentice?

Thinking aloud

2006-02-21T01:37:00.000+08:00

For a change, not much work today because i'm on course today and tom. They are teaching us how to use a new system, one they paid a whopping 9 million bucks for. Things you do to keep up with the times. Lol.

Received a pleasant email which brightened my day. Thank you.

Last week was a pretty rough one for me at work. It made me see a diff aspect of what it means to be a journalist and once again, I question myself if I've got what it takes. For the longest time, I thought any Tom, Dick, and Harry could be a reporter. Now, I'm starting to think otherwise.

I realised that in a way, this line shares sth in common with the service industry. Just like how the consumer/customer/patron is always right, so too is the reader. While some consumers may be unreasonable, to varying degrees, so too readers. But so what? When they are not happy, they turn the page. You lose.

Really funny. Today a reader emailed me to tell me that for my story yesterday, I shouldn't have called the Young Lions the Young Lions. And he sounded damn pissed. But errrrrrr... they are called Young Lions lol. Can't be helped man (but hope you didn't turn the page). Won't lose sleep about this one though!

On a happier note...finally managed to spend some time with my bro today, just before he leaves on friday. After a decent dinner at Sakae, he said he wanted to play time crisis. Haha, why not? I can't even rem the last time we went to the arcade. Wait, I can't even rem the last time I stepped into an arcade. Watched him kill baddies before my hands got itchy. So I played a game of my favourite virtua tennis and we had a daytona race.

Managed to squeeze in five games of pool too. All in all, pretty fun :) If only we got our playstation back. Winning 11 and monopoly would've been nice.

Alritey, bedtime. Byebye.

What a sucky day

2006-02-13T22:53:00.000+08:00

They say the new time change is to let us buzz off at 6pm. Turns out, to me, that working hours just get longer. (And today I was up evennnn earlier becoz my boss got into an accident and needed a lift.) *sings: why does the sun go on shining? why does the river flow to the sea?*

Anyway, sometimes it's inevitable that you wait (hence, you really cant leave "early"). And wait is what I had to before two key newsmakers picked up their phones.

And while waiting, I went on a super duper wild goose chase looking for other students who did well in both sports and o levels. oh.my.god.

And I got a scolding. peeeeeerrrrfect.

To cap things off, (becoz i cldnt leave by/at 6), i cldnt 1) get sista's present 2) turn up for the SURPRISE party (which is probably over by now).

At 11 freaking pm, i'm still here. Missed it all. Plehhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Ok. Are we there yet???

Funny Fatty

2006-02-12T17:47:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: Conversation is to the best of my knowledge. i.e: It's along these lines!

Me: Go get your license by March!
Fatty: I can't even persuade my instructor to book me a test date in May.
Me: You need a license, if not you're not eligible.
Fatty: That's discrimination. You drive, I read the maps wooohoo.
Me: Go to Indonesia and get a license! Btw you've to send in a tape for the audition.
Fatty: Really? Must I be fully-clothed?
Me: I think you'd stand a better chance with clothes.
Fatty: That's it, you've just lost your Amazing Race partner.
Me *thinks*: .............

Amazing Race for Asians

2006-02-12T17:35:00.000+08:00

So Straits Times reported today that there's gg to be an Amazing Race for Asians. And I'm eligible!! Thanks to an international passport, being at least 21 years old, being able to speak English and having a drivers license. Woohooo. The prize money is US$100k not one million but who cares?

All that is required is to send in an entry (an audition tape! yikes!!!) and take five weeks off work/school. If that's not hard enough, I've no partner!! :( Actually the article said they were looking for 12 participants. Not pairs. Weird, how would that make a good show?)

Anyway...

...I want to live the Amazing Race dream!

Long overdue

2006-02-08T22:06:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging much recently. Just didn't want to complain and sound all naggy about the mundane things in life. The big things were far too big to be blogged and knocked the idea of blogging being 'therapeutic' way off the mark.

Nothing interesting to say (still) but just thought I'd drop by to say hi to whoever is reading (still).

I'm the heaviest I've ever been in the 21+ years of my life. When I sent my dad off last wk, I hopped onto a scale (for 'fun'). Ok, so the scale was meant for weighing luggages at the airport. But given my current lifestyle, I won't beg to differ with the figure I saw. Doesn't help that the 'supportive' brother behind says the scale is tilting.

Anyway here's sth to prove that life sucks at the moment (hence the need for sweet stuff) and why i need a diet:

The freezer (yes, the fridge has finally been fixed) has 5 tubs of ice cream, bought over two days.
1. Haagen Daz Strawberry Cheesecake
2. Haagen Daz Vanilla
3. Haagen Daz Chocolate
4. Ben & Jerry's Marsha Marsha Marshmallow
5. Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk

Oh and today, after a desk meeting, we're gg to start work one hour earlier from now on. OMG. I'm already struggling to get up and get to work on time. But the GOOD news is that we're supposed to buzz off by 6pm. I wonder if I'll get my life back, or if I ever had one to start with. Well, whatever it is, I better get one soon!

A new day

2006-01-25T10:36:00.000+08:00

*Deep breath* The start of a new day. Will this be yesterday all over again?

Come on xinyi, be positive! That's the only way to get out of this...

Torn in all directions

2006-01-25T00:34:00.000+08:00

It's been a horrid past 7-9 days. I feel my thoughts are all over the place. And I don't really know why, other than the obvious fact that I feel I've loads to do.

At work, the Saturday Special feature is killing me. I've never made so many phone calls for an assignment. And I've never felt so unproductive. Not making much headway, yet not exactly sitting down and doing nothing.

But through it, I guess I've learnt one or two things. Like how cool yellow pages is. I managed to contact a guy by typing his name and dialling all the possible numbers. Maybe one day, you can type your name and see if your residential number turns up. HA!

Because I feel bogged by the feature, not doing daily news. But more accurately, I haven't really been assigned one and it's so damn freaking hard to think of my own story. As the boss said: "Two days in a row no story."

So tomorrow, will be an even crazier day. I HAD to find a story, which I hope will make it to thursday's paper. And if so tom i've to do.... a dairy story, the feature still, go for a lunch meeting at sentosa, and make many phone calls (a.g.a.i.n), etc...

Worse still, I find myself saying the DUMBEST things at work. Especially during meetings when it's for all to hear. Sighhhhhhhhh. Mental reminder needed to cut that out.

At home, I feel I'm not really catching up with my parents. Just too tired at the end of the day. But summoning all the energy in the world to do what I can. And that meant me eating durian (on a full stomach) at a roadside at 11pm yesterday.

Hopefully, more chances during cny. I've booked my dad for a tennis date. Wheee. High time both of us get back into shape.

While I'm glad my parents (and bro) are back, I do find it increasingly difficult to adjust back to the days when there are four people in the house. I know it sounds weird but I feel extremely ticked off when I get nagged out these days. I can't tell if it's because of my stress levels and bad mood or the fact that no one really nags at me.... just about all this while. As I type this, I'm getting nagged at. GROWL.

A period of growing frustration and discontentment.

Sometimes I feel.... it's not easy to be me. But I guess, everyone thinks that from time to time. *shrugs*

=)

2006-01-19T22:59:00.000+08:00

The interviews with ferdinand and sharpe went great. Really enjoyed it and they seem like two genuinely nice guys :) P.S Sharpe is freaking cute!! And when he left he waved (to me!). Aaaaw. Haha. Ferdinand scored points too because he had good things to say about Blackburn haha. (Ok, so I wasn't sent there to ask about THAT but hey Blackburn's playing his old club this weekend and I couldn't resist. No harm asking if he thinks Souness will get sacked soon too right? =p Lalalala...)

Some pictures the newsmaker sent me.

BEE-U-TI-FUL

2006-01-19T01:08:00.000+08:00

And so the painting above my bed has been displaced. Not that it matters anyway, I never look at it. And just as well that my dad is coming back, he can decide what he wants to do with it :) I'm prepared to hear the grumbles, I'm going to get some anyway.

Stressed out

2006-01-18T22:08:00.000+08:00

Eating dinner (or supper) while waiting for my story to clear. Another long night but can't beat yesterday when I left at 1145 and traveled halfway round Singapore. Tomorrow will be a better day though. Looking forward to interviewing Les Ferdinand and Lee Sharpe. And finally, writing abt EPL. *rubs hands tog*

Been asked to do quite a few assignments and it's pretty stressful cause I ignored the rest while doing todays story. Hurhur. Tom morning hopefully...

But what REALLY stresses me out is that my parents are coming home on FRIDAY. The house, as ever, is a mine field. They want the fridge fixed, stocked up and errands run. The thought of handing over the car and not having it to go to NTU on Saturday and to work next week is beyond me. (No, im not spoilt :) just not used to it)

That doesn't mean i'm not happy they are back. Of course I am. Just wish I had more time to clean the house. Am already thinking of jio-ing daddy to tennis. It's been too long since I last exercised. Watching Australian Open in the office makes my hands itch too.

Bro helped me collect my framed jersey today. YAY! So looking forward to gg home to see it. STORY. CLEAR. QUICK.

What a SURPRISE!

2006-01-16T01:11:00.000+08:00

Retail therapy - you like sth, you buy it, it makes you happy.

On Saturday, I thought I was going to do just that. But no. It was so much better than that. I got it as a gift from raine. Wow. Stunning. I was so speechless I might have forgotten to say 'thanks' immediately. I almost teared but had to impose some self control before the ppl ard us thought she was bullying me when it was nothing like that. Wow. Could I have asked for a better belated xmas/early bday gift? Sometimes she really outdoes herself :)

I immediately got it some protection =p

Isn't it sooooooo pretty?

Now I'm in lala land, wondering what accessories to get for it. Heh. Bliss.

zzzZZzzz...

2006-01-13T19:51:00.000+08:00

What I miss about school, while I'm at work, is... you can miss it.

Especially on rainy days, after catching a 4am match, where the best place to be is is under the sheets.

Glad to know that interns (sch cirriculum) only work Mondays to Fridays. What great news that was. TGIF.

A joke thats not funny

2006-01-08T23:21:00.000+08:00

I received an e-bill for school fees that day. I was stunned because I'm interning and earning a puny 3.6k over the semester. Yet sch fees are over 5k. Doesn't make any sense does it?

My friend says that this has been an issue for years already. The explanation is that your total education cost is divided over 4 years, so even though you are not in school, you are still paying for your overall education.

*sigh*

Lazy Sunday

2006-01-08T17:07:00.000+08:00

Friday was an interesting day in the office. Went down to MOS for the sea games awards ceremony. Quite a nice club I might say though it isn't really my kind of place. And their chop is very irritating... two baths later and the mark is still on my hand. Anyway, was interesting to watch a certain TCH move to the music haha.

I guess what I really like about days like that is the thrill of beating offstone. Filing a story in half an hour in a half-drunken stupor is pretty exciting. Hurhur.

Yesterday was superb. FA Cup results went well :) BUT singtel really pissed me off. Went down with my bro (and queued for over an hr) to apply for the 2-in-1 sim card thingy... only to know that it's not applicable when the lines are under two names. How dumb is that right? And to make it worse, when I asked the information counter in the day, they said I could. So pissing, and they didn't even apologise. Bad service runs through most of Singapore... *thumbs down*

So, I am now contemplating getting a new phone. This one is very nice and very useful... perhaps too useful for simple me. And certainly pretty pricely.

Any good recommendations anyone?

I miss you already

2006-01-06T00:21:00.000+08:00

A moment frozen in time

And so it had to be, that the game I saw at Ewood would be the very last time you'd wear blue and white halves. Even though it was for a few minutes, I cherished every second of it. Bye bye Matty and good luck.

It's bad enough that I'm suffering from pms. Now I'm hit by the news I've been fearing for awhile. My heart needs resuscitation. Someone knock me unconscious so I can sleep tonight pls...

A must-read story

2006-01-05T23:38:00.000+08:00

I shed my first tear at the office today. One to be precise. It wasn't because I got scolded or bullied, it wasn't because I was stressed to death and it wasn't because it was time to go (wonder how i would feel at the end of six months).

It was because I was reading one of the features of the month, nominated for feature of the year. It's quite lengthy but it gripped me every step of the way.

To all who feel they are in a shithole, there are truly worse things in life. On a week I can't stop worrying about one of my fave Blackburn players of all time leaving the club - a horrific accident the cause of it all - at least I'll take consolation in the fact that if he goes, he'll have more first team action.

Anyway, enough said, here's the story.

On Jan 14, a giant truck mowed down film-maker Bertrand Lee in Mumbai. His legs were flattened like pancakes. One was amputated. The other is still shattered. In his first interview, the 28-year-old talks to WONG KIM HOH about the nightmare since. PAGES 4 & 5

A horrific accident in Mumbai left film-maker Bertrand Lee with just one shattered leg. The driver got away with one day in jail. Lee recounts his ordeal since, in an exclusive interview with LifeStyle

WHEN you're on the verge of death, they say, your life flashes before your eyes.

Cynics may snort but Bertrand Lee will tell you it's no cliche.

On the morning of Jan 14 this year, the reckless driver of a 2,000kg truck mowed down the 28-year-old film-maker as he was taking pictures of the picturesque Indian Ocean along Marina Drive, Mumbai's windswept promenade.

The truck rolled over his legs. When the driver heard Lee's screams of agony, he reversed his vehicle, only to flatten his victim's already crushed limbs.

Horrifyingly, Lee did not pass out from the pain.

For the next five hours, his life took on decidedly surrealistic hues. A million thoughts and sensations taunted him as he lay wretched and helpless, consumed by torture quite unimaginable.

Today - exactly seven months later - Lee sits in a wheelchair, his lower body covered by a green sarong.

His left leg had been amputated, right up to his pelvic bone.

His shattered right leg - held together by a metal rod inserted down the marrow of his thigh bone - is in a cast.

'Unimaginable, unimaginable,' he says, closing his eyes and shaking his head as he describes his pain to LifeStyle at his family home, a private apartment in Upper Changi Road. It is his first press interview since his accident.

'It was so excruciating that I just kept wishing I was dead.'

Lee, a TV commercials director and promising film-maker whose three short films have all travelled to international festivals, had the same wish many times over the next few months. The hell he experienced in India followed him home to Singapore.

For more than five months, he fought for his life in the Intensive Care Unit and Wards 75 and 47 of the Singapore General Hospital.

He has had more than 30 operations. He has battled pneumonia and numerous
infections.

A more debilitating adversary, however, was the deep funk which enveloped him, and the suicidal tendencies he harboured.

He has not looked into a mirror since his accident. He has not received any
visitors or seen anyone save for his family, his fiancee and the closest of friends.

'It's not going to help me if my friends see me and break down. In my condition, I just don't want to be reminded of what I've gone through. Pity is not going to help me deal with the situation.'

He agreed to this interview only because he feels he owes an answer to all his friends and the public who have asked after him. In particular, he wants to thank the local film-making community which has rallied around him and launched the Bertrand Lee Appeal Fund to help him with his medical expenses.

Before he begins talking, Lee offers an apology. 'I hope you will be patient because I tend to slur.'

He doesn't really. His sentences are cogent and although it obviously takes some effort, his articulation is clear.

For someone who has been through such an ordeal, he looks almost strappy, buff even. His shoulders are broad, his forearms sturdy.

He laughs. 'I have put on 20kg in the last two months. I've been trying to eat and forcing myself to exercise, sometimes six hours a day.'

A month after the accident, Lee - who used to pack 70kg on a 1.7m frame - was literally a sack of skin and bones.

'I was on a lot of painkillers and they make you feel constipated. When I ate solid food, my belly would just bloat. I looked like a starving Ethiopian as I weighed only 35kg then.'

He appears in good humour although in the course of our two-hour chat, he sometimes flinches as he recalls what he's been through. On a few occasions, tears well up in his eyes.

Previous brushes with death

HE WAS in Mumbai to shoot a commercial for an international corporation when the accident happened. He was in fact out strolling before a location recce with his director of photography.

As he lay there, 'legs flattened like pancakes', his first thought was: 'Oh no, not again.'

It's not his first brush with death. In 1999 when he was a full-time national serviceman, he fell four storeys while scaling down a rope from a rappelling tower.

'I just sprained my back and sprang back immediately,' he says.

Five years ago, on the first day of the Chinese New Year, he lost control of his car and crashed it against a wall next to a canal in Upper Changi Road. He was alone.

'My car was totalled. I broke my hip, both my ankles and fractured my spine. I was just one inch away from being paralysed. I thought that was the worst I'd ever have to go through in this life.'

Obviously not.

The hours following his accident in Mumbai were nightmarish.

'Don't ask me how but I knew I wasn't going to die. I told my director of photography to contact my fiancee and parents.'

About 15 minutes after the accident, a police pickup came and drove him to a small hospital, the name of which he does not know.

'They literally had to shovel me off the ground onto the pickup. Perhaps I was hallucinating but I remember the walls of the hospital were black and green.

'Conditions didn't look too sanitary.'

He was not sure if he was given painkillers and anaesthetic. 'If I were,
they didn't help.'

He did remember being given lots of blood, 50 pints to be exact.

'It probably sounds awful but I was very afraid of catching Aids. I had no idea where the blood came from.'

At the hospital, he would clutch at people, telling them to help him. 'One after another, doctors would come and look at me. From their worried and confused expressions, I could tell that I was in serious trouble.

'They were all talking in some Indian dialect. They touched my toes on my right foot and asked me if I felt anything. I did. They did the same on my left and I said no. I knew then I was going to lose it.'

Lee - whose father and mother work as supervisors in the aviation and banking industries respectively - remembers grabbing hold of a doctor and telling him: 'If you have to amputate my leg to save my life, do it.'

'Perhaps I was desperate to get rid of the situation, I was desperate to get rid of the pain.'

A few hours later, he was transferred to Jaslock Hospital and Research Centre in South Mumbai. By then, he had passed out.

By the time his frantic parents and fiancee arrived the next morning, his left leg had already been amputated.

Three of his closest friends flew up to see him shortly after that.

The media graduate from Ngee Ann Polytechnic can't remember much of his stay
there. He flitted in and out of consciousness because he had so many painkillers pumped into him.

But he recalls telling those around him not to worry. 'I said: It's just a piece of flesh. I'll bounce back.''

He was flown home on an International SOS air ambulance, paid for by his insurance company, with stops in Calcutta and Bangkok. Then he was taken straight to SGH.

For the next couple of months, he had frequent nightmares. 'In my nightmares, people were trying to kill or harm me. I don't know who they were. But my family members said I was delirious and often had seizures.'

The film-maker - whose short films like Trishaw and Birthday have taken him
to 24 international festivals - would apparently 'direct films' in the hospital.
'I'd tell nurses to move the camera here' and get a shot from there'.'

Fate, perhaps to taunt him further, chose to remind him then how promising a
film-maker he was. Birthday - which chronicles the trials and tribulations of a
young couple's marriage - won the Jameson Best Asian Short Film Award at the
Bangkok Film Festival on Jan 27, just two weeks after the accident.

The following month, it went to the Rotterdam Film Festival and Clermont-Ferrand Short Film Festival in France.

In Rotterdam, he was scheduled to be interviewed on a TV programme together
with Alexander Payne, the director behind Hollywood hits such as About Schmidt
and Sideways.

Hell, Lee says with great irony, began when he regained full consciousness in April.

'My right leg began to hurt like hell. I couldn't speak, I lost my voice. My
parents handed me a pen to write what I wanted to say but I couldn't even hold
it. I was shocked.'

Continued on facing page

From previous page

When he regained his speech, it was slurred.

'I was reduced to something I didn't recognise. I used to be a typical Singaporean. I was impatient and liked to get things done quickly.

'Suddenly the people around me have to do everything for me. I couldn't
brush my teeth without poking myself in the face, or hold food without dropping
everything. I couldn't cope.'

His amputation also caused many complications. A couple of months after the
operation, doctors found a great abscess in his wound.

To clean it out, they had to dig through the pus. 'The hole was so deep you could literally put a fist through it.'

The pain and anguish were so debilitating that he turned suicidal.

'I have never cried so much in my entire life. I've always dealt with problems in the past, nip them in the bud. I tried to do the same now but I just couldn't,' he says.

'Every single moment, I prayed that I would die, I just wanted to end it once and for all.'

He withdrew into himself, sometimes barely uttering five words a day. At one
stage, he had to be tied to his hospital bed as he would try to throw himself to the ground.

He flung things at psychologists who told him he was depressed.

The 'lapsed Catholic' even saw a priest who had a degree in psychology. 'He
told me he had no answers to my questions but I had to have faith and find
out.' Lee did not see him again.

Several things made him come around.

One day, his rehabilitation doctor at SGH spoke to him. 'He said he knew I had suffered a lot but I had to get back on my feet. If I just lie on that bed, I would just deteriorate. I would just rot and die.'

He laughs: 'Of course, he didn't exactly say it in those words.'

He found comfort in the words of a friend, a creative director in an advertising agency.

'He said I have lost a leg, not my brain.'

There was another epiphany. 'I realised that no matter how much I prayed or how badly I wanted it, I was not going to die.'

He realised his loved ones were suffering. His parents, his younger sister and his fiancee had been there for him every day.

'If I couldn't find a ray of light for myself, the least I could do was to try for their sake.'

He looks at fiancee Janice Fong, 27, who has been sitting with him throughout the interview. The couple have been together for five years and got engaged last year.

The former events organiser gave up working to look after him.

'She has seen me at my best, she has seen me at my worst. When it was darkest, I've always had her to cling on to.'

His eyes grow wet. 'If she had left me, I would have been completely shattered. Yet, I would have understood if she did walk away.'

Long road to recovery

LEE was discharged on July 10, nearly six months after he was wheeled into SGH.

He learnt later that this was a great leap in progress. Doctors had initially predicted that he could go home only in November this year.

He has been exercising diligently for the last three months. 'I've graduated
to 2.5kg dumb bells. '

He still needs help when he's bathing.

'When my therapist first forced me into a wheelchair, I couldn't even sit for five seconds without yelling. Nobody could touch me without me screaming. Even as I'm sitting here talking to you, I'm in pain but I've learnt to manage it better.'

He takes one or half a methadone pill a day, and goes for weekly physiotherapy and acupuncture sessions.

Each day, he reads aloud from the newspapers. 'I want to get back my speech. I would also spend hours writing in exercise books like a primary schoolkid. I feel pretty stupid but I know I have to do it.'

He is very attached to his dogs - three Cavalier King Charles.

Occasionally, he watches TV.

'I avoid films. It's really painful to watch them knowing that I am not able to do them now. I don't watch programmes about India. No programmes about accidents. I really block those out because they upset me.'

He's been known to hyperventilate when he passes a construction site on his
trips to the hospital or the acupuncturist, the only occasions when he would
step outdoors.

He can move his right leg but more operations are needed to heal the ankle and the knee. Doctors don't know if he will be able to use it again.

Lee will go for a prosthetic fitting for his left leg only when the pain is gone. 'That might take a year. Whether I need a walking frame after that, nobody knows.'

There are worries though, mostly financial. 'The hospital has not sent us the bill but it's probably in the low to middle six-figure range.'

Although his insurance will help to defray some of his bills, the road to recovery is a very long and expensive one.

'Already, they're telling me a prosthetic limb costs $40,000 and it has to be changed every five years.'

He adds: 'I'm so grateful to my friends and the film-making community who have rallied to help me.' Nearly $320,000 have been raised for the Bertrand Lee Appeal Fund.

Will he ever make films again?

He smiles. 'I try to take things one day at a time. But one of my doctors told me that what I have gone through would probably give my films a special depth if I were to direct again.'

Candidly, he admits to having entertained murderous thoughts about the driver who confined him to a wheelchair.

'I'm only human, but I do know that even if I were to kill him, it wouldn't change things.'

The driver was jailed for one day. Lee may initiate legal proceedings against him.

The mood swings, he admits, are still there. 'I'm hoping time will help to heal the mental things.'

Quietly, he says: 'I understand now that it's true; I will have to find my own answers.'

___________________________________________________________

MISS Janice Fong, 27, has learnt a lot about strength this year.

The petite and softspoken fiancee of Bertrand Lee has been with the film-maker every day since he lost his left leg in the accident in Mumbai in January.

She took the call which broke the bad news and arranged for flights and visas for herself and his parents to fly to Mumbai, as well as liaised with doctors in Singapore and India.

She sat with him when he was delirious and cried with him when he was overcome by grief and sorrow.

She encouraged him when he found the going tough and chided him when he wanted to give up.

The former events organiser, who politely declines to be photographed, says:
'I've never thought of myself as strong before this but I saw a different me
during this period. I'm normally very emotional but I'm both glad and surprised
I handled things very well.'

Miss Fong, whose father is retired and mother an office administrator, admits she made her decision to stick by Lee after careful thought.

'I asked myself: Is this what I want to go through?' I can't be in it for the short term. I can't be with him for a short time and then leave him. It would be terrible for him.'

The business studies graduate from Ngee Ann Polytechnic says her parents are
firmly behind her decision. She has an elder brother who works in a bank.

'I told Bertrand: I'm not with you because I pity you. You don't have to tell me not to do this for you. It's a decision I make myself. We have many plans together, this is not going to stop them.' '

It has not always been plain sailing.

At one point, he felt so depressed he did nothing.

'I told him I understood his suffering but we both have to work hard if we were to have a relationship. I could never accept it if he lay there and rot. If he tried and failed, that's another story.'

Although she is with him every day, she also takes time off.

'I take half a day off, to visit my parents, do the groceries. It helps a lot.'
She adds: 'It's important that taking care of him doesn't become a chore.'

Back at work

2006-01-05T12:12:00.000+08:00

Just read how J*se Raym*nd covered the Asian Cup Qualifiers and it was soooo much better than mine. The lead especially. Oh well.

Late night yesterday but feels good to be back and writing stories. Definitely better than acting busy...

Somehow it's always mixed feelings. You know a story means a late night but I guess the byline is your reward.

And you don't entirely want to be doing nothing, not when u've the internship logbook to fill weekly. Clueless about what to write...

Desk is quiet now. It's tough when nothing is assigned to you because coming up with your own stories is the hardest thing ever.

Bro's 24th birthday tomorrow. Happy birthday cookie monster! Have a good one.

Goodbye 2005

2005-12-31T11:52:00.000+08:00

What a great way to round up the year, a superb 3-0 away win with two stunning goals :)

I will remember 2005 for...

...the year I first set foot on Ewood.
...the year I first interned at ST.
...the year I saw a decent number of famous people.
...the year I went to the 23rd SEA games.
...the year I went to Perth, London and Paris (and all that came with it).
...the year I turned 21.
...the year most of my friends turned 21 - all of whom proved to be worthy adults before striking this symbolic number.
...the year I lived without a fridge (and much more).
...my first real driving year.
...the year Chronicle turned 10.
...bittersweet IVP finals.

Resolutions for 2006
1. Be more organised.
2. Produce consistent work (consistently good I hope).
3. Improve on my temper and impatience (these three points have been on the list every year, evidently my resolutions have always remained that... resolutions.)
4. To survive internship.
5. To find FYP groupmates and do a hell of a FYP.
6. Save $ to go Ewood again after graduation.

Year rating: 7.5/10

Thanks to all who made 2005 a memorable year for me. Especially the people who have been there since forever and have been through '04, '03, '02, etc... (you get the drift) with me.

Happy new year everyone! May it simply be a year that makes us happy. A simple word, so hard to achieve.

Take care.

Twins' day and Xmas eve

2005-12-25T13:45:00.000+08:00

Grocery shopping for our meal. Beef, potatoes, cabbage and chicken bones.

Soup! Turned out to be my fave dish.

Cooking potatoes. They were done to perfection. *thumbs up*

My contribution for the day. Cutting up the potatoes lol.

Beef!

Wala~

The chef is happy with her day's work.

Chillin'.

Oh dear... her carebear wannabe.

Her reaction after losing at daidee hahahhahaa. A very happy loser. Maybe coz my winnings were paper money ;)

Had a great time twin, as always when I'm with you. =)

Lovely London

2005-12-25T12:05:00.000+08:00

I must say that I really loved London. It's a great city. Paris for me, is a bit overrated. People say it's the most beautiful city in the world, the most romantic. I'm not sure about that but perhaps only 3 days there is not a fair judgment. I think I prefer London. In any case, at least that city speaks my language! I was there for so many days and I don't think it rained on more than 2 or 3 days. Amazing...

Caught two musicals - phantom and les mis. Both were superb in their own right :) Enjoyed them lots!

This is my amazing race moment. I kinda felt like I had a few this trip but this was one of them. Those of you who rem, this was one of the places where they collected a clue. At Baker Street, outside the tube, where the sherlock holmes statue lies.

It's the tube station for madame tussaud's, the famous wax musuem. I must say that that was the best picture-taking day of the two weeks. So many "stars" lol.

The host of the British version of who wants to be a millionaire. I tried to pose like I won a mil bucks but evidently I didn't look to ecstatic. Coz I didn't win a penny duhhh.

The Rock. *raises one eyebrow*

Superman!

JFK. My fave US president. Don't I look happy to see him? :)

*bang* Asshole...

*bish* Asshole...

Xinyi the third party, not once but twice. Mr and Mrs Becks/Brad and Jolie.

The ever-dashing Prince William =)

Hulk is nothing like the prince. Help!! I feel so small.

Back to royalty.

Bond in an all new Visa commercial ;)

A new star on the Oprah show.

He is hot!

So is he. Though not as hot as before.

Another attraction I enjoyed... the London eye. Great view from up there. Great timing too, caught the sunset.

Big Ben... shot taken from the capsule.

Harrods. Too ex to shop there though. Only thing I could afford was krispy kreme.

Big choc santa at harrods.

Band outside harrods. Somehow they remind me of the band in titanic. Heh.

On the way to Buckingham Palace. Didn't tk shots of the palace itself because it was too dark.

Introducing... Paris

2005-12-25T09:47:00.000+08:00

My paris moment: Eiffel Tower. Really a pretty sight, day or night :) Seeing it at different times of the day just evokes different feelings.

For a few minutes each night, the tower will be lit up with blinking lights. Pretty much like one big xmas tree.

Usually, it's just lit up like this.

And the tower in the day.

We went up to the second tier. Was too cloudy and misty for the top. Good view nevertheless!

For those who are up for the challenge, take the stairs! It's cheaper than the lift ;)

Note: For anyone who wants to have a nice meal at eiffel... pls book at least 2 wks in advance. Hurhur... we missed out *sour grapes*.

Another famous landmark that needs no introduction. Some pics...

The Louvre. Snuck a pic of Mona Lisa.

Notre Dame

Moulin Rouge

Once upon a time... I went to Paris Disneyland!!! A place where there are only happy endings.

One of my fave disney cartoons if not the fave... Beauty and the Beast.

Parade of the disney stars.

Can you spot the fake snow? It was really well done!

Before we went on one of the three thrill rides (too many kiddy rides there). Indiana Jones!

The ride...

By far the best kiddy ride - It's a small world!

Minnie and me

Daisy was too busy signing autographs (can u believe it?) and taking pics with kids. So I took a shot of her ass instead ;) *giggles*

Fatty wanted to take a pic with stich but Brother bear and stitch were busy having a playful fight. I had to come in between them because I was freezing my butt off! They were taking forever!

Fatty finally gets to take a pic with stitch. Such a nice pic eh? :) No prizes for guessing who was behind the camera lol.

And guess where brother bear was later? Li siao-ing (disturbing) mickey mouse. Hurhur. That bear is a joker i tell you...

This is where we stayed. A hostel which had one table, one bed and a sink. Don't ever tell me I'm spoilt ;)

*gasp* Freaking hot car. And it's only 50,000 euros. That's about S$100,000! Can get half a merc here with that money...

Blackburn at Fulham

2005-12-25T09:41:00.000+08:00

Craven Cottage has been a good away ground for Blackburn. Thought I chose the perfect away game to watch them get a result. Unfortunately, it wasn't to be, but wasn't too disappointed as it was a good game. Witnessed a total of 8 goals over two games, hard to ask for more goalmouth action.

After the game, squeezing with thousands of people to get to the tube is not funny at all. It's worse than being stuck in a new year countdown. Inch by inch you move forward brrrrrr it was cold. But it was worth it. I could do it every other week. Seeing the Blackburn fans that made the journey was a heartwarming moment. The away fans are certainly more vocal and passionate. 2-0 down they were still singing their hearts out, chanting and cheering. It was fun attempting to make the stadium rock with them, stamping our feet and creating a nice atmosphere. A win would have been perfect but you know what, it wasn't too bad at all.

Free kick for Blackburn.

Crowded penalty area.

Pedersen takes a corner.

Lesson of the day: You miss half the game while trying to take pictures and videos. And never eat a two-foot long hotdog at halftime even if you're cold and hungry. Hands on hotdog = no hands to use the camera.

Feasts!

2005-12-25T09:16:00.000+08:00

Guess what we're eating?

Legendary krispy kremes *licks lips*. Soooo goood.

Fresh from the conveyor belt!

This is how pathetic we look when there's no more kk left to eat.

Van bought cupcakes for me. I love cupcakes and icing :) And somehow they remind me of my childhood haha.

Super duper huge pancakes at a restaurant called My Old Dutch.

Get what I mean?

Another kind of pancake. Jap! Cooked right in front of you.

The best thing to do on a cold winter's day is to eat piping hot duck udon. *slurp*

Some days, we ate in. Homecooked chinese food + tired and tearful (from the killer onions) chefs...

Check out their menu!

Chefs in action. Hope they don't see this or they'll kill me for posting their unglam shots hahahahaha.

Alright, moving on.

When in france, one must drink... french onion soup...

and eat duck pate.

Yay!

2005-12-22T10:24:00.000+08:00

Dickov does it again :)

Survived two difficult away fixtures to get through to the semis. How I wish I could go to ewood for it. And ALL their games. Ewood is my drug. I took it once and now I'm addicted. I need to seek help...

Mood: ecstatic and reminiscent

Manila times

2005-12-22T00:50:00.000+08:00

Today one of the photogs I went to Manila with sent photos of me in reporting action haha. So nice of him =)

It's a bit difficult to interview athletes after they lose. This was one of those moments... But as always, she bounces back. *thumbs up*

Gift :) Thankful to leave with a souvenir!

And spot the new addition to the carebear family! First thing I saw when I got back from Manila. Thanks bro :)

It's so cute! I gotta see it everyday haha. So off it went to accompany harmony aka harmy. =p

Spot the difference

2005-12-22T00:43:00.000+08:00

Now you see it...

now you don't.

21.12.04. Almost seems like yesterday. In the past year there has been a few incidents with my baby. But no matter how pissed I am when it screws up, I'm still ever grateful to be able to drive it.

On a not so pleasant note, it's the time of the year again...to pay road tax!

Home Sweet Home

2005-12-21T08:09:00.000+08:00

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
- Home

Well I didn't go Rome, if it had been London it'll be more accurate but that doesn't rhyme with home does it? Lol..

London and Paris were great. So was the company. But there's sth about Singapore that always makes me look forward to coming back. I can't really put a finger to what it is, which bugs me a bit. Given that two of my fave ppl were w me and my parents aren't even in Singapore but my bro was. Perhaps i missed local food, the weather (rather feel hot than cold), or the feeling that there are a thousand things I need to settle before work starts. Why am I actually dreading it? Weird... I'm sure I'll miss London (minus the weather and the crazy crazy prices) though.

First thing I did was to check my exam results and they were just an utter disappointment. Will definitely appeal for one of the modules. Urgh. I feel resigned to second lower now and I've never felt a greater lack of optimism about saving my ass anymore. I guess right now I'll just be grateful to have a job when i graduate. Full stop.

There weren't any drinks at home. Bro said "drink tapwater". Hurhur so that's what I did. Thank goodness he bought iced tea back.

Super jetlagged. Didn't sleep much on the long flight nor back home. Woke up to do four loads of laundry, uploaded pics (memories and more posts to come!) - took so long coz i had a ttl of 1.13GB of stuff hahaha, packed and redecorated my room (pretty excited about this, still incomplete at the moment though), collected 3 weeks worth of mail, paid bills (urgh), ate 2 more legendary krispy kremes (so mouthwatering that my dear twin ate the doughnut she dropped :/ refused to tk a new piece haha funny girl), watched tv (new scv box hip hip hurray, tv wasn't spoilt after all!), etc...

It's amazing what packing your room has to offer (yeah, it certainly is about time). Seeing things from the past that you always knew were there but subconsciously forgot about their presence. Finding things you've been proactively looking for for so long and realising you still can't find certain things you're looking for. Tiring but rewarding.

Just as well that my body clock isn't retuned since blackburn has a 4am game tom. But it's back to pagination on thursday so I've got to do sth about it.

Till i organise my photos and thoughts, tata~.

Quote of the day

2005-12-13T06:28:00.000+08:00

From the movie 'Hitch', which was one of the movies I watched on the 13hr plus plane flight to London. Actually, I can't remember the exact phrasing, but it's along the same lines :)

"Life is not about the moments you breathe, but the moments in which your breath was taken away."

Happiness

2005-12-12T03:07:00.000+08:00

Feels like home.

Beee-you-ti-ful stadium.

Roarrrrrrrrr!

W-O-W!

Tommo and me =)

Emerton and me =)

Bellamy is injured :( but at least there's his autograph!

I love matty!!

He's the man. And MANager.

Two-goal hero celebrates! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Singapore's biggest Blackburn fans

Waiting for next Saturday to come round. And will always look back at the Saturday that just passed me by.

Magical moments

2005-12-12T02:33:00.000+08:00

London Underground ticket to Euston train station: 2 pounds
Train ticket to Blackburn station from London Euston: 76.3 pounds
Matchday ticket against West Ham at the Jack Walker Stand: 30 pounds
Accomodation at hotel opposite Blackburn's senior training centre: 20 pounds
Amount spent at the club shop: 200 pounds
Number of priceless moments: Many
Time spent in underground: 15 minutes
Time spent on train: Approx. a total of 8 hours to and fro
Time spent in hotel: One night
Time spent at Ewood: Didn't keep track
Time spent at club shop: Approx. 2 hours
Time memories will be with me: Forever

:) Blackburn coming from 1-0 down to win 3-2
:) Dickov and Kuqi's celebrations
:) Watching Jansen in action
:) Jansen smiling at me and my camera
:) Being at Ewood with Raine
:) Meeting Tugay, Thompson and Emerton
:) Taking pictures with them before kickoff
:) Thompson smiling at me and my camera again at the dugout
:) Savage smiling at waving at us after the game
:) Autographed jersey
:) Photo with roar the mascot before kickoff
:) Hugging roar in the stadium
:) Spotting all the players' hot cars in the parking lot at ewood and training centre
:) Ground tour at Ewood
:) Sitting in Hughes' chair at the dugout (not once but twice - once on matchday!)
:) Going into the dressing room
:) Seeing the 94/95 replica championship trophy
:) Seeing the Jack Walker statue
:) Lunches at Blues Bar
:) Hearing the ewood crowd cheer
:) Sitting in the same cab bellamy has sat in
:) Sitting in another cab which once ferried shearer

December 10, 2005. Definitely one of the best days in my life. I know I've felt happier but those feelings, those moments, which I've all frozen and kept within me... are hard to beat.

The trip could have been better but at the same time, it was all I could ever ask for and more. Was supposed to meet the first team (with many many thanks to a very kind lady who made so many arrangements for us) on friday after a press conference and before their training to take pictures with them for the match programme.

Unfortunately, we boarded the wrong connecting train and to cut the story short, missed out on a golden opportunity. Yet, while there is some regret and disappointment at what could have been, what happened way surpassed my expectations.

Just being able to be there is a dream come true. And all I wanted was to see us get three points. To come back, to witness a high-scoring game where we scored three, it's hard to describe how wonderful it was.

There will always be people we are dying to meet. Pop stars, Hollywoods idols, artists, musicians, politicians... Ewood is my mecca and as much as I feel I've managed to attain it, I can't help but want to come back for more and more and more.

I guess that's what eased the disappointment of what we missed out. Because I know, I'll be back and with each trip, there is another opportunity.

Will upload photos when I get back.

Looking forward to the next game and hopefully another good win =)

Surprise!

2005-12-02T16:05:00.000+08:00

Didn't expect to get the chance to blog but here I am.

Today, unlike the days I've been here, is a relaxing one. My only assignment is to cover table tennis at 7pm. So I really slept in today (new definition of slept in is no longer sleeping 12-15 hours but 9 hours hurhur) and I'm borrowing my friend's net (coz my paymasters aren't paying for net in my room which is S$30 a day). Due to my stringent budget I can not pay for my own net lol neither can i afford to go to the casino on the second floor of my hotel! ;)

Managed to watch blackburn vs arsenal on the day i arrived but totally couldn't follow their midweek match. Wooooohoooo down 2-0 and fought back to win 3-2!! Whoopppeeee. This is exactly the game I planned to go and watch in my contingency plan if i weren't here. That would really have been the dream game to watch :)

Well, Manila has been pretty good overall so far. Food is cheap! Just had kenny rogers for lunch. 1/4 chicken, 2 sides, rice and a drink costs about 170 pesos which is about $5+. Heh, my dinner there last night was $2. Hurhur baked pasta was $1+. Amazing huh.

I'm glad to have heard majulah singapura seven times. Best venue has to be swimming at laguna. It was a great day for singapore swimming yesterday and I witnessed the breaking of two SEA games records in a span of about 15 minutes.

But the most memorable moment for me so far was talking to James Wong, who became an instant hero to me at that point of time. Haven't seen such a big man cry in my life before, but as I listened to him, I teared as well. Thankfully, I didn't cry man, that would have been embarrassing.

I've had my fair share of not too good days though. Especially the day that I covered bowling. They pissed me off to the max. Not only are they a disappointment so far on the lanes, they are off it as well (personal pov). I hope I don't have to ever cover them again. Urgh, enough said.

Sports I've seen so far: fencing, shooting, table tennis, bowling, snooker, rowing (actually followed my photog on a boat out to take close ups of the rowers, was q an experience!), swimming, athletics, gymnastics, chess and wushu. Waiting and hoping to cover badminton!!

Some events have as low as 3 ppl taking part - a medal is guaranteed. I realised, in some events, it's really not that diff to get at least a medal. But even in situations like 3 ppl taking part (like James Wong in discus), some athletes really truly prove their worth.

So far what I hate most is the travelling. Took me about 2 hrs to get to venues like chess (not worth the trip) and swimming (very worth it!). On the bumpy roads and at times of bad traffic, you really just feel like puking.

Haven't had the chance to click my camera. Perhaps it'll get going sooner than later.

Been feeling naked without the net the past 6 days. Time for me to do some catching up. Cheers everyone, take care :)

Waiting to board

2005-11-26T12:25:00.000+08:00

20 more minutes till boarding so here I am with a nice hot cup of lemon tea next to me.

I used to think it would take a miracle for our paths to cross again. Now I know that it requires so much more than that. Yet while I occasionally think of how timing and opportunity have rarely favoured us, the fact that I'm still really looking forward to this trip, which ironically wouldn't have you in it, has indicated to me that perhaps I've finally moved on.

Short and sweet

2005-11-23T23:16:00.000+08:00

Too tired, too much to do, too lil time. But just a quick post because the next time you'll hear from me is probably when im in london.

Leaving for Manila on the 26th. Will be back on Dec 5 before I fly off to London in a matter of hours. As I said, Changi Airport is my new best friend. Going back there again in 7 hours time. A big send of for about 80 athletes tom. Wahhhhhhhh.. help help help. I've yet to research on 5 sports and must do face/name matching memory game with myself again.

Had a super super shopping spree just now I couldn't believe it was me doing all that buying (ipod-to-be was not pleased with me at the end of the day). Just a lil reward in advance coz the next 12 days will be taxing. But i'm pretty sure it'll be rewarding too, in a diff way. Heh.

Went to buy pesos just now (which fatty thought is italian currency) and the money changer at lucky plaza tried to cheat me. What a jerk.

Asked him one S$ how many pesos. He typed 32.5 on the calculator (after some bargaining). Then when I took out money to change with him, he tk that sum and divided it by 0.0325 on the calculator. I know my maths sucks but there's a difference between money changing and swindling. And I know how to read off a calculator man (thank goodness for calculators in phones for a quick double chk!). My maths sucks but I finished it at A levels not primary 1. Then when I pointed out the error to him, he handed me my S$ back and grumbled in a language I couldn't comprehend. Wth. Tsk tsk tsk...a-s-s. Enough said.

Alritey, kazillion things to do in 2 nights. Including planning for tripsss and getting my london luggage packed so i'm ready to go. And a word of thanks to the stars for letting me come back on dec 5 or else i wld have been screwed to the power of screwed after committing to the air tic. Oh and did i mention im gg to manila by sq? HA! wad luck! thought for sure they'd save money for the co. and send us on some budget airliner. Superb.

Take care everybody!

Manila bound

2005-11-22T00:21:00.000+08:00

Yay! I'm going to Manila. Woooot woooot.

This was my second article. I've no idea why the story repeats itself. I hope the error is sorted out asap man.

Looking forward to the big challenge and hoping to justify my place. Nervous and excited all at the same time :) Plssss let me come back on Dec 5 so I can fly off to London on the 6th. *crosses fingers*

Finally sth that makes up for the rat ass luck I had last week.

Oh, just to cure my query as to whether the combination of 0,7,2,3 came out for Sunday's draw, I checked the 4d results again today. Haha. 2 close ones agn. One of which was 2327, a number I bought the last time there was a blue moon. xD

For those with parking pains

2005-11-20T16:38:00.000+08:00

Superb site!! *wooooot*

Bro is back

2005-11-20T15:36:00.000+08:00

And so he came back on friday and since then the house has been slightly cleaner and a lot brighter hehe. Thanks to him and his lengthy frame, about 7 light bulbs in the house have been changed. Yay!! :)

Only thing is now our dumb router cant accomodate for both of us to use the net at the same time. And somehow only his works now so I'm blogging from his com heh.

Hmm the other day he was talking about getting an Australian PR. And I'm sure my parents would like that and want it too. Somehow the thought of that really freaks me out. I can see why it's an attractive option but somehow (and I don't know how or why), I just can't imagine myself settling somewhere other than Singapore. Not now at least. But maybe it'll be a no brainer next time. If raine stays in London and if my other friends somehow or rather decide not to reside here. Yet I can envision my family there and me here, but maybe cause thats how it has been for the past 2 years that I've grown accustomed to feeling this way. But me there or anywhere, oh boy...

Oh well, the future is uncertain and too distant for me. At least for the next one and a half years I know where I'll be. Stuck studying in ntu. Hurhur...

Oh in other news: if anyone has been losing ALL their life, let me recommend you somewhere/something you can be a winner in. Give me a buzz and I'll arrange for online/ps2/good old fashion board monopoly with you and fatty.

Yesterday play with her rite, owned HALF the board. Hahahahhahahaha. From park place to the light purple stretch where st charles place and the electric company are. Today, owned all four railroads and had two monopolies. =) If only I had such luck in real life hehe.

Hmm undecided on what to do now. Arrange to interview a bowler? Shop for my luggage and boots? Read travel guides? Watch friends? Life is good when it's the holidays. *ponders*

Anyway, here's my first article for the Team Singapore website.

A miss is as bad as a mile

2005-11-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

Starter: 0231
Consolation: 0272

Haha slept through the afternoon after a hard morning's work going to Changi and all. Woke up to buy dinner and the 93.3 dj was reading out the winning numbers. It's quite exciting man. When i heard the first 3 numbers match my heart was in my mouth. Heh but it wasn't to be.

FAS101

2005-11-17T02:34:00.000+08:00

Just taught myself FAS101. Spent the last 1-2 hours researching on the young lions, trying to match names to faces and vice versa, etc... I got to reach changi airport at 7am. Wonder how many Singaporeans will go down to see them off.

Hope it won't be chaotic and I can get the job done.

After this week, I'd be sick of changi hurhurhur. Probably going there 5 times for pre-sea games round up + to pick up bro (welcome back).

Long day ahead. Make that, long week ahead.

Blackburn duo going to Germany

2005-11-16T21:24:00.000+08:00

Wooohooo brilliant niell, one of the penalty scorers.

Emerton, who ran his socks off, till he got cramps.

Team Australia. Great, another team I will lend my support to other than Holland. Wooot wooot.

Blessing in disguise?

2005-11-16T21:11:00.000+08:00

0723.
24 permutations. (Yep, not cheap... If I draw a blank, I'll pretend two tyres went flat.)

Yes, hoping that a punctured tyre is a blessing in disguise.

Today's draw finished and I didn't hit a thing. Closest was 3rd prize - 6370. Maybe if I stare at the screen hard enough the 6 will become a 2 and I can laugh all the way to Singapore Pools.

Well, there's still hope. Because I bought for TWO days muahahaha. (Yep, not cheap at all...)

Depressed, disillusioned, depleted... and determined to strike 4D. Hurhurhur.

Very random thoughts

2005-11-16T03:23:00.000+08:00

I want to take part in the Subaru Challenge next year! Hahaha especially after staying up till 1pm yest (and only having one meal today), and not feeling that tired after I got past the sleepy-stage. Could do with a new car.

Heh must rope someone to do it with me. Provided it's still a team challenge. And provided we can even take part.

If I could tape my hand down, that would be a big bonus. And learn the art of sleeping while standing up haha. Or better still, sleeping with eyes wide open.

Oh, even more random, bz and i saw fann wong and chen hanwei that day. No biggie. No local celeb will make me go crazy. But she's damn tall! Bahhhh.

As deflated as a punctured tyre

2005-11-16T01:32:00.000+08:00

And so I got a punctured tyre at 7plus am. Don't ask me what I hit, I don't know. But why I ended up hitting it, you'd wish you didn't ask me that from the moment it got me started. (Yes I realised you didn't ask, but here's the story anyway!)

After 3 rounds of mj with fatty, bz and mel, I was sending them back. After dropping mel off at her hall, bz suddenly remembered he had to collect something near by. So he asked me to stop at the side of the road while he made a phone call. Early morning traffic was heavy so when I saw this construction site, I stopped at the entrance thinking 1) surely no vehicle will need to go in/out in this 1 minute 2) it would be good not to block the flow of traffic.

Hohoho. A mammoth truck (with probably 6-8 wheels, none of which got punctured) just tried to sqeeze right freaking past me and nearly hit me. So instinctively I shifted from parking to drive and inched up. And hit the damn freaking prick.

Then the car really started to feel weird (and that's when you have the oh-shit-this-soooo-can't be happening-to-me thoughts). Pulled over at the side and wahhhlaaa... there you have it. One fucking flat front left tyre.

I was just soooo freaking mad, be glad you didn't see me (and be at the end of the wrath). Seriously, other than it causing a tonne of problems (calling for a tow truck which costs $52.50; changing a tyre - $70), it was just so not justified. And honestly, it's not about the money though I could think of 1000000000 other ways of putting $120 to good use. Come to think about it.. that's 2 days of work at sph for goodness sakes. Gee.

This is how I get repaid. For sacrificing sleep, petrol, effort, and time to do something that 1) i don't have to 2) i don't need to 3) stand nothing to gain (and evidently all to lose on a day like this).

Having to wait 45 minutes for the damn tow truck. And waiting 1 hour outside the car repair shop cause it wasn't open when we got there. (Bz accompanied me throughout, and offered to pay a portion, which was nice. And fatty waited till the tow truck came and lent me money cause I freaking didn't take my hp and wallet out of the house when I left. Just freaking PERFECT right? Which is another story on it's on man. What's a hp for if you can't use it during an emergency. For that, I really feel like slapping myself.)

The funniest thing was, before we called a tow truck, bz went to check if there was a spare tyre in the boot and he didn't see one. But the tow truck guy didn't believe and outside the repair shop we realised that there was one. *triple konk*. heyheyhey, it never rains. It just pours.

I was made to reflect a lot about this matter. At least I forced that upon myself. And I know that it's very very pissing to me because I can blame no one. It's just one of those too-bad-so-sad times when you really got to suck it because it would be unfair for anyone else to take the responsibility but you, even though you don't deserve it and it's unfair to you too.

And seriously, what are the chances of getting a punctured tyre man? According to bz, you'll have a higher chance kena-ing bird shit than getting a flat tyre. He's quite funny sometimes.

And as much as I wish I just curled up to sleep, I know I would never have allowed that. And if given a choice again (without psyche powers of course), I'd still do the same.

It led me to conclude that, in life, sometimes the right thing to do is not necessarily the one that leads to the optimum outcome.

It's the opposite of... 'blessing in disguise'. Which is when you choose an option you probably should not have, but got the rewards for it.

The painful part was the knowledge that I could have done at least 10 things to avoid the incident. And then, doing them would really have been a blessing in disguise.

Like really man, wrong place wrong time. You need a lot of fate and bad luck, and that's exactly what I got.

Like after dropping mel, I turned left instead of right. Apparently there was a shorter way. And so I made a u-turn back. And less than a minute later, I was at the
entrance of the construction site.

On days like these, you really wonder if there's a greater someone up there watching over you.

2005-11-15T19:58:00.000+08:00

A pretty sight. The first thing I saw when I woke up today at 6plus pm. Trust me, it's not a lot of sleep i got for the longest day ever. Went to bed at 1pm after one of the crappiest days. More on that later. I'm still coming to terms with it :( But in short, late for exams for the first time in 21 years and a punctured tyre (which let's not forget is barely a month old). And oh. The two incidents were separate. If I was late because of a punctured tyre hurhurhur then I can only say that that is indeed worse than what happened today.

Splurged on a zara coat so that I won't freeze to death in London. Wasn't the one I initially wanted to buy (that didn't have buttons.. i'm not a fan of buttons). Really loveeee that one man but it's too long for shortie me. Looking at my new buy now... hmmm hardly enough to bring about a smile right now.

Finally completed my f.r.i.e.n.d.s series. All 10 seasons now. Hardly enough to bring about a laugh right now.

One day more

2005-11-14T00:45:00.000+08:00

One day can be a long time in life. But sometimes, they go by in a flash.

This time tomorrow I will be free. In fact, in 15 hours I will be :)

Anyway, just an excuse for me to put up the lyrics of one of my fave songs from a great musical i hope to see after going to the london eye. It's so cool how they have a cross promotion w the theatre. But I want to see phantom too. Ahhh!! Oh dear, getting excited about London again. Back to the books!!

Les Miserables
One Day More!

VALJEAN
One day more!
Another day, another destiny.
This never-ending road to Calvary;
These men who seem to know my crime
Will surely come a second time.
One day more!

MARIUS
I did not live until today.
How can I live when we are parted?

VALJEAN
One day more.

MARIUS & COSETTE
Tomorrow you'll be worlds away
And yet with you, my world has started!

EPONINE
One more day all on my own.

MARIUS & COSETTE
Will we ever meet again?

EPONINE
One more day with him not caring.

MARIUS & COSETTE
I was born to be with you.

EPONINE
What a life I might have known.

MARIUS & COSETTE
And I swear I will be true!

EPONINE
But he never saw me there!

ENJOLRAS
One more day before the storm!

MARIUS
Do I follow where she goes?

ENJOLRAS
At the barricades of freedom.

MARIUS
Shall I join my brothers there?

ENJOLRAS
When our ranks begin to form

MARIUS
Do I stay; and do I dare?

ENJOLRAS
Will you take your place with me?

ALL
The time is now, the day is here

VALJEAN
One day more!

JAVERT
One more day to revolution,
We will nip it in the bud!
I will join these little schoolboys,
They will wet themselves with blood!

VALJEAN
One day more!

M. & MME. THENARDIER
Watch 'em run amuck,
Catch 'em as they fall,
Never know your luck
When there's a free for all,
Here a little `dip'
There a little `touch'
Most of them are goners
So they won't miss much!

Students (2 Groups)
1: One day to a new beginning
2: Raise the flag of freedom high!
1: Every man will be a king
2: Every man will be a king
1: There's a new world for the winning
2: There's a new world to be won

ALL
Do you hear the people sing?

MARIUS
My place is here, I fight with you!

VALJEAN
One day more!

MARIUS & COSETTE
I did not live until today.

EPONINE
One more day all on my own!

MARIUS & COSETTE
How can I live when we are parted?

JAVERT(overlapping)
I will join these people's heros
I will follow where they go
I will learn their little Secrets,
I will know the things they know.

VALJEAN
One day more!

MARIUS & COSETTE
Tomorrow you'll be worlds away

EPONINE
What a life I might have known!

MARIUS & COSETTE
And yet with you my world has started

JAVERT(overlapping)
One more day to revolution
We will nip it in the bud
We'll be ready for these

Schoolboys

THENARDIERS(overlapping)
Watch 'em run amok
Catch 'em as they fall
Never know your luck
When there's a free-for-all!

VALJEAN
Tomorrow we'll be far away,
Tomorrow is the judgement day

ALL
Tomorrow we'll discover
What our God in Heaven has in store!
One more dawn
One more day
One day more!

Laughing fit

2005-11-13T02:04:00.000+08:00

During exam periods, I always get hooked on lil games. Like pacman or yahoo games (literati, graffiti and pool heh). Today, thanks to fatty, I was introduced to www.games.com. A great site for games, especially if you're a fan of monopoly (which I am, and which fatty has since swore off).

Damn funny. We just played one game. I thought I'd offer her the chance of monopoly glory after having what must be a 1-10 win-loss record on monopoly party ps2.

It started off terribly for me. Kept landing on things I couldn't buy, no luck with community chest or chance cards. On the other hand, fatty landed on broadwalk and park place. In fact, she had so much property she had to mortgage to buy. And buy and buy she did.

And so the argentina-england game resumed after the half-time break. Cheekily tried to excuse myself but she wouldn't let me go.

But there was hope, all 3 orange properties were available. Then, she landed on one of them. But no money to buy *chuckles*. So it went up for auction and landed in my hands =P And as luck had it, I swooped for the other two and immediately built 3 hotels. On her next move, she enjoyed an overnight stay at my hotel (with complimentary breakfast). Sweeeeet~

The hotel had such great service and provided so much comfort that she couldn't resist going to another branch. One or two Go! passes later... wahla. Game over.

Monopoly rocks!

Her reaction damn cute lah. Hahahahahaha. *laughing fit*

AWEsome

2005-11-09T02:48:00.000+08:00

Omg... alvin asked tiger woods two questions at a press conference. Wow wow wow. Lucky lucky him!!

Paid to be flown to shanghai to meet woods and watch golf. Now that is cool dude. Shall keep a lookout for the article tom.

Mood: envious

A familiar tune

2005-11-09T02:39:00.000+08:00

Friends really really rocks!! For those who havent watched season 10, you don't know what you're missing. Bittersweet :) Just watched 6 episodes back to back (season 9) because i'm in second gear...hurhurhur. Yes, I'm not watching in a coherent order I realised. Doesn't matter. When exams end, I'll watch everything from start to finish again.

A fitting tune for the greatest sitcom ever!

I'll be there for you

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your jobs a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year
but..

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Coz you're there for me too...

You're still in bed at ten
And work began at eight
You've burned your breakfast
So far... things are goin' great

Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
Oh but she didn't tell you when the world has brought
You down to your knees that...

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Coz you're there for me too...

No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you're the only one who knows
What it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with
Make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst I'm best with you, yeah

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year...

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Coz you're there for me too...

I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you
'Coz you're there for me too...

Catching the wind, nailing the jelly

2005-11-08T13:20:00.000+08:00

From 930am to 1130am today, I was doing just that.

Worthy investment?

2005-11-07T21:30:00.000+08:00

Bought a box of essence of chicken today. I never knew they were so expensive. Over two bucks for one freaking small bottle. Well, I hope it helps. But I think after drinking them, I'll have a higher chance of getting bird flu (im at it again with the chickens) than scoring the much-needed As.

I need some magical potion. *pooof*

Gee thats dumb

2005-11-03T04:04:00.000+08:00

Why oh why does STI restrict multiple ppl reading at the same time (using the same user id). I mean, ok, so u want more ppl to subscribe but ppl won't. They will simply work round the prob by going in at diff times. And all you're left with is looking petty and small-hearted.

If one family subsribes to a newspaper. They can all read it in the day. One paper. Readership of 2,3,4,5..wadever. And theoretically, they can read it tog at the same time if they want, though that's really not the point.

Just track how many people visit your site and tell your advertisers how great it is. The more the merrier right? Don't turn people off please...

Yes, a while more, I'll try and see if I can get back in to STI this time. Pleh.

London awaits!!!

2005-11-03T00:48:00.000+08:00

I'm so relieved to have settled the issue of getting an e-ticket to LONDON!!! :) WOOOT. After a few hiccups and difficulty in choosing the departure date, I've decided on Dec 6. I hope I don't regret not leaving earlier and I already feel the heartache of giving charlton-blackburn (esp when its on nov 30 and not 29) and blackburn-everton up but something had to give. (Not to mention the $306 airport tax I just paid but that one really bobian huh.)

Looking forward to... raine, meeting up with fatty, blackburn, home-cooked food, krispy kreme, a musical (hopefully phantom of the opera or les miserables), london eye, hopefully paris, eiffel tower and parisdisneyland *crosses fingers*, harrods, and so much more :)))

Super pumped up. I think I've found the energy to mug again!! =p

That was freaky

2005-10-30T06:32:00.000+08:00

Just used the search engine to try and find out the achievements of one of the foreign talent t.t players for an assignment. Led me to this girl's site, a fan of jiawei and I thought... ok maybe I can find my answer here since she conveniently cut and pasted from ST, the ITTF website and other sources.

And as I scrolled down... I saw three pictures that had me in it. YIKES!!!!! If ever I needed a wake up call, I got one. But frankly I'm heading to bed soon.

Was umpiring one of jw's games and e fan was evidently snapping away lol. ><

Gibberish

2005-10-29T20:35:00.000+08:00

Let me try and be as coherent as I can. Suffering from excitement overdose.

Muahahha the carling cup draw is out and blackburn drew a london team away. Maybe it's a sign that I couldn't book my air tic for dec 5 that day. If I did I can't make any changes. Heh. I'd like to think it's written in the stars. Anyway, now I'm really set on leaving earlier :) Unless the manila chance comes of coz but at least there's a big consolation otherwise. In fact, it's so much more than that! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee..

Ok, but it'd be good if I could live till that day. Yesterday after blogging, I went back to mac coz I was so distracted at home - net and tv. So I went back and had kaya toast and half boil eggs at the kopitiam next to macs. Only that my eggs weren't exactly half-boiled. When I opened them they were raw. And only after eating the yolk, I liked eggs to chickens to birds to bird flu. Yikes! So if I suddenly don't reply your calls or msgs, pls come knocking on my door to ensure I haven't dropped dead.

And at macs, the girl with the pillow was still there. She and her friends were sleeping!! Omg... it's really like a hotel man lol. They were lying down on the seats which weren't divided... you know the ones backed up agt the wall. Wah I was how amazed.

Ok, back to watching epl. Tata!

Let it begin

2005-10-29T03:43:00.000+08:00

In a journey of a thousand steps, the first step is always the hardest to take. HURHURHUR. And so i'm trying to stop this great sense of inertia that has swept and overwhelmed me for the past *countless* weeks.

Exams in 10 days and I finally started today *cheer*. Glad to find a good place to hit the books because my house has far too many distractions. I'm so happy that Macs in 24 hours haha when I barely ever patronise. To keep me awake today - tea and hot fudge sundae. I've planned my next two menus for Monday and Tuesday. Tea and fries; tea and apple pie. Yeah! All set. One fine day I'll attempt to stay there till they serve breakfast man. Wheee. Might as well bring toothpaste, toothbrush and start camping there haha. Wah lao today I saw a girl... bring cushion! Hardcore man. On a closer look, it was a man u cushion...plehhh.

You know you can be sitting down for what seems like hours and actually only a few have gone by. It's a good thing! That relativity works this way. If I study everyday, the next 10 days will feel like 100 days worth of studying time. HURHURHUR. And at the end of it, I better have an exercising routine man. Before mac kills me.

You know what I loveeee to do when exams are near? Make post-exam plans!!

Post-exam plans:
- Read up on London and places of interest
- Plan trip
- Shop for winter clothes? --> still contemplating
- Shop in general --> yeah!
- Bug fatty every single day to play mj (before her exams end of course teehee) because she's been so naughty by tempting me. TWICE already. Stop it stop it because...I really want to, but I can't afford it. Boohoo. (But it turned out to be a good thing today coz I kept telling myself I must get down to work if not I might as well be chi-ing, pong-ing and hu-ing xD so thanks to fatty for indirectly helping me get started)
- Get a nice, new, unique blogskin (though I don't know how!). Don't ask me what I learned in webdesign class...
- Buy f.r.i.e.n.d.s dvdsss/vcdsss and start watching them one by one (this is in high-risk of entering pre-exam plans)
- Watch EPL in peace (obviously I can't give it up NOW but I'm proceeding with guilt...)

Quote of the day

2005-10-26T22:04:00.000+08:00

L: There goes our Manila stint. Over before it even begun.

:(

That was fast

2005-10-26T11:44:00.000+08:00

It took less than 24 hours for my bubble to burst. Thankfully a part of me remained conservative and didn't assume it as a given.

And so...SSC has found a company to freelance for them. Or so I heard. And so the opportunity came and went in a flash. And so we didn't get the chance to give ourselves a chance. How awfully disappointing.

It's difficult to come to terms with such a disappointment when you allow yourself time to think good thoughts and to try and be positive. But I know it would be worse if the bubble burst when it was much bigger.

Oh well. It might cause more disappointment in the end but I shan't give up on hoping. The thought of having to tell the other three ppl i talked to yest this bad news is just... argh. I'll just wait for confirmation from my tutor before I mope.

:(

Long-awaited happy post

2005-10-25T22:36:00.000+08:00

Enough of angst. It's time for some good news!

Before heading for class, fatty told me she wants to go london. Yay, thats good. We all can have fun together and have an eventful 2-week break. As it gets closer and closer to dec, i can't help but feel the excitement. It's been awhile since I really looked forward to sth so much. Whooppeee. December come quick!! =)

I may get to go to Manila to cover SEA games :) Yay again! That would make the end of nov come and go man. Just what I need! SSC is looking for freelancers and my tutor asked me if im interested. Of course I am! Without a shadow of a doubt. And if you know someone out there who is too, let me know ok?

Hope I get the chance to do this. At least I can say I've been to one SEA games man. Sadly not as an athlete because I was never good enough. But thats why I wanna be a sports journalist right? It's the second best option. And I could really do with 500 bucks before going to London really. *calculates* - 166 pounds hurhur. In a hopeful mood more than anything else now cause it's still quite uncertain. *fingers crossed* Would be such a great experience. Wonder if there will be written tests or interviews and stuff like that.

I saw a lovely rainbow right after hearing this piece of good news. Really made my day.

Lalallalalala..sunshine after the rain.

What should I do?

2005-10-24T08:59:00.000+08:00

Oh dear. I just finished my assignment and it's 9am. Should I take a nap and risk going into hibernation or should I find 1001 ways to stay awake till 11am? Sigh this is such a rhetorical question because no one is going to give me an answer NOW. =/ im brain-wracked.

Yet another day

2005-10-24T06:48:00.000+08:00

Yet another night (or day) spent facing the computer till the sun rises. I can switch off the lights now that theres natural sunlight. Yet another day where I'm trying to churn words and ideas from a fatigued mind. Sigh. I'm still 800 words off the 2000 words I need for this assignment. Think by the time I'm done, I can head to school.

The very last thing i need is for last monday to repeat itself.

My favourite poem. Suits the mood. Back to work...pleh.

The Rainy Day

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

Should have...

2005-10-20T00:31:00.000+08:00

Should have, could have, would have... oh and how can I forget...if. Big words in life huh?

Should have heeded the horoscope I drafted out for my car for myself.

Picked up a parking fine at holland v today for insufficient parking coupons. $30 out the window. *woot woot*

My friend said that they outsource these jobs and they are prob commission based so don't ride your luck. You've been warned.

Appeal successful

2005-10-18T20:39:00.000+08:00

Welcome back Zura

And so the ref has decided that it shouldn't have been a sending off. Good on him, but it's too late. We were already robbed.

I can't believe i thought so highly of jamie carragher. I thought he was such a decent fella. In my view, the biggest hero after gerrard in their champions league winning performances. But he was one of the many pool players (esp esp him) who surrounded the ref demanding a penalty and/or a red card, both of which would have been the wrong decision. The same player who said they were more dignified than chelsea about decisions that didn't go their way.

Give me a break. I wanted to put him into my fantasy team, but I'd rather be rock bottom than to gain points from him.

Mystery solved?

2005-10-18T19:36:00.000+08:00

Spent the whole of last night wondering whether I hit the car or not. And started to think how I should react to the accusations...

The guy called today. AT 6.55AM!!!!!! Wahhhh... plssssss for goodness sakes. I know you probably slept before 11pm, but I tucked in at 6.30am and was just heading to dreamland.

And he demanded that i go down to the carpark NOW because it's pointless explaining myself on the phone and he took some photos on his camera. And he had to cheek to say i was drunk. That really just pissed me off. It sucks when you're so damn tired and you've class the next day, or rather in a few hours time, and you have no choice but to do that...

So I went down and explained how I didn't feel anything and I'm totally oblivious if I did hit him (in this case, ignorance is not bliss and ignorance doesn't equal innocence).

The photos didn't say much either. We were reallieeee close but can't tell if we're touching. And there's nothing wrong with his car. So I've no idea why he's so anal. Even on the phone he was threatening me to come down or else he's gg to the police with the photos and talk to lawyers. I'm thinking is he crazzzzyyyyyy, I really have to squint to see any semblance of scratches lah ok... Curiously, they were silver, not green, but maybe that's just his black paint kena scratch off then inside is silver, i dunno...

Waited for him at the carpark for like 5 minutes. And I'm damn freaking irritated already lah. Then he was like: "I just want to know who the driver is and hear your explanation. I think you were drunk".

Me: "I had class yesterdy. You want to see my timetable? I just got back from school. If anything, I was tired. I don't drink. But when I park on this row, I'll walk towards the middle gutter and to the lobby. And I really don't even remember seeing the cars so close. But I did remember parking in deep and there was a car behind me."

Him: "I just want to know if you are a reckless driver and if you were under the influence of alcohol. And whether you will admit its your fault because I love taking on people who deny or think i'm the one who hit you."

(I'm thinking: uh huh... this is reverseeeeeee parking not speeding round a corner. wad reckless? aiyo...)

Then he started preaching: "I'm not going to do anything, I just want to hear your explanation. You're probably not self-sufficient yet, still a student. Must drive carefully. I see your car...a lot of scratches, looks like you've been involved in a lot of this kind of thing."

(I'm thinking: Wah lao, now he's judging me by looking at my car. And I bet when he saw the side view mirror in a different colour, he thought that I was involved in some accident. Sigh, it's a second hand car that had more than four drivers thus far, and has taken afew knocks. Does that make me a punk and drunk driver?)

Yeah.. in the end, he was satisfied with my explanation and so "he was going to let me off".

Part of me still wonders if the cars even touched. But for sure, he's not in the wrong. So if it's anyones fault, it's mine. And if so, I'm thankful for his understanding and in a way, though very naggy, his advice meant well. And at that instant, I thought... hmm ya maybe what goes around comes around. That I didn't pursue the lady who knocked me at the bukit timah market carpark. And this time, when I was at the opposing end of things, I got off the hook.

By the time I went back up, I didn't feel like sleeping. Took me a while to get back to sleep. And when I woke up, it was the time biz class ended. Hurhurhurhurhur.

Just came back from brunch/lunch/dinner, whatever you wanna call it. Swee swee park next to his car. Side by side now, not back to back. And gave him a lot of room to open his door hurhur. And when I did the usual thing by walking to the middle, I noticed.. very ironically, his car today exceeded the middle line. But thankfully for him, it's a nissan march behind.

Shit happens

2005-10-18T00:38:00.000+08:00

The angsty posts just keep flowing in *shrugs*...

The following is taken off a friend's blog, with her permission of course. At first, we both agreed that it should be private, but now it shall be public so that people who know who this person is, will now know what he is. And in my opinion, it's a classic: How to deal 101.

-----------------------------------------

i never thought i would ever be an ex basher. and i always thought it's a little unglam to diss your ex in a public space. but this shall be an exception.

you lied to me when i asked you whether you liked someone else. you even had the audacity to say that, "is that the only reason you think i'll break up with you?". the irony of your little question is that everyone knew that you would only leave a girl for another girl. that is your dating pattern.

you didn't have the guts to tell me that you liked her when you were still with me. you didn't have the balls to admit that you did cheat on me. you had the cheek to say you didn't like her, you were merely interested in getting to know her better. funnily, the next day i had to find out from someone else that you're already with her. so it took you a day to get to know her better and to know that you love her quite a bit? seriously, you should learn to take ownership for your actions. for your bastardly ways. by lying to me, you selfishly made me believe that it ended well and put me through the pain of disappointment, regret and loss, just because you didn't want to appear like a cheating fucker. you could've told me the truth. i would've hated you, no doubt. but forgiven you ultimately. but now, although i may not hate you forever, i will definitely never forgive you.

all the lies you've told me. you're just a cheating bastard with chronic fidelity issues. i should've seen it coming. how you cheated on her with me. but then again, now it all made sense. you lied to her too, didn't you? you never told her the truth about us. you told her you had to break up with her for some funny reasons you cooked up and made it seem like you moved on and got together with me after that. and that this had nothing to do with your break up isn't it? now it finally clicked. no wonder she was so persistent about fighting for you. no wonder she couldn't let go of you. the poor girl. she didn't know, did she? you were not man enough to tell her isn't it? just like how you didn't have the guts to tell me. you couldn't bear the thought of her looking upon you as a cheating bastard, could you? no wonder she wanted to talk to me and read my blog. she wanted to know the truth. that poor girl. she never knew.

and you don't have to pretend that you're upset and sorry that this is over. coz you're not. you don't feel sorry for hurting me. if you did, you wouldn't have been so callous. when you said sorry, i didn't feel that you were. you're not sorry because you didn't want this to happen and are sad that it had to happen. you're sorry because you actively helped make this possible. now i feel stupid for thinking that it's partly my fault that this ended. for regretting not treating you better. i shouldn't have. you love her coz she's there and i'm here. and admit it. you can't stand loneliness. so you selfishly compromised what we had so that you'll have a happy time there. don't tell me how i'm suddenly not the one for you. you know it's not true. our differences have been there all the while but you could live with them until suddenly you find someone new and then we became incompatible. you fucking know that she had a part to play in our break up. don't give me your bullshit that you would've broken up with me regardless of whether you liked her. pls, for crying out loud, admit it. if she wasn't there for you and she didn't like you, you wouldn't have broken up with me. stop trying to make yourself look less blameworthy. you make me sick.

now i wonder, how much abt you does she know? does she know what kind of person you are? how you can turn into a callous monster overnight? i don't love you anymore. and this is the truth. i'll always wonder what i lost out to. the distance? your fidelity problems? your character? or the sheer fact that you didn't love me enough. i will never know. and i don't suppose you do either. even if you do, i guess you'll never let me know the truth. for all that we went through, i thought you would at least have the decency to give me the complete truth. yet you are nothing but a pack of lies and a load of bullshit.

i can never for the life of me believe that you're the man who rushed down to mambo to hold me and cry, who put my happiness before his, who said that he only wanted me to be happy, who gave me all that i wanted, who stood up against his mother for me, who gave me all that he had unconditionally, who begged me less than a month ago not to leave you. i don't know you anymore. although i cannot believe that you did it to me, i can't say i'm surprised. indeed, this has been your dating cycle. i should've known better. but that's not to say i regret it, coz i know i would've chosen to be with you regardless of the tell tale signs.

i've gotten my bad karma for stealing someone's bf and i hope you get your fucking retribution soon. i know i will always look back and be happy that it was good while it lasted. and i believe that you truly loved me then and very deeply too. i loved you a lot then. but now, you're no longer the person i used to know and love. so i don't. and for all the bastardly crap you pulled on me, i hate you. but i'm glad i found out the truth. it doesn't undermine the past. but it makes it impossible for us to have anything to do with each other in the future. i'm disappointed that it had to end in such an ugly manner. it was a fairy tale for me. but i'll keep it as that. i overlooked your flaw and chose to sweep your weaknesses under the carpet.

i know you're not upset about this and have moved on. and therefore, i shall not mope over this lost relationship. in fact, knowing that you're such a monster just made it so much easier to hate you and move on.

from now on, we shall go on our separate ways.

sCARy...

2005-10-18T00:21:00.000+08:00

Is it just me or is this month a jinxed month for my car?

Just now as I was heading out for dinner, I saw a note on my windscreen. Anything on your windscreen is never good news. You always hold your breath and hope its flyers which are irritating but a hell lot better than parking tickets and what not.

Anyway a guy wrote in chinese: This is regarding you hitting my car. Left his name and number.

I was STUNNED. Like ?????????????!!!!!! u know? Firstly, if i hit someone's car, i would have felt it. Secondly, i won't be SO DUMB TO LEAVE MY CAR BUMPER TO BUMPER WITH HIS right? It's like stealing money and leaving a note saying: "If you're wondering why $50 is missing from your wallet, it's because I took it." I am supremely supremely unamused.

I went back up to call him and his phone wasn't even on for goodness sakes. So i left a msg. Sigh. I guess it doesn't mean much to him if he's not even going to keep his phone on till 11pm. And now I am the one who has to fret about what really happened and it's like this jigsaw puzzle except all the pieces are with him.

Went to dinner and when I came in, the guard passed me another note from him and his namecard. Aiyaaaa why don't u just leave your phone on.......

Of course part of me is wondering if i'm really guilty. Because I did indeed reverse my car a very little bit behind the line (which is the middle before it crosses to the other side) but i saw noooo paint marks whatsoever. And I still had to check all the cars in that area to see if any had green paint marks. Sigh this is mind boggling.

The only reason why im worried is because...just as much as i think i wont be so dumb to leave the bumper back to back, he probably cannot be so eng as to leave a note if nothing happened right? And maybe it was the slightest of touches and the zombified me didn't feel it.

Oh my goodness. I cannot believe this....

If there were car horoscopes, this month, mine would read: "Avoid driving this month. Use public transport at all costs. Worse come to the worst, walk instead. Have a pleasant journey."

I'm so tired of all the whiny posts, so full of angst. Can something good happen for a change?

Frankly, my dear

2005-10-17T17:02:00.000+08:00

And so it came out today. Taking a copy of chronicle from the library once every three mondays has been habitual for me. But I must say that this time round, it was a lil bit more exciting. Hope you guys like it~ (Chinese section interviewed Sammi Cheng for this issue. Why didn't I ask if I could tag along. Why?)

Frankly, my dear

How to fix a lightbulb - alone

A FEW days ago, the ceiling lights in my bedroom blew out. When it happened, I wished for two things. One, that the men in my house – my dad and older brother – could come to my rescue. Two, that it didn’t blow out. Neither happened.

I’ve been staying alone at home for the past year because my parents are in China and my brother is studying in Australia.

During this period, I’ve experienced many firsts – cooking (no, I don’t mean instant noodles), paying bills and stopping leakages in the house (actually all I did was call the plumber).

Oddly enough, while I’ve changed light bulbs at places where I find easy to reach, I’ve never changed my ceiling lights.

This time, I had no choice. So I lugged a ladder and got to the top. I had to stretch every inch of my 1.58 metres short frame to unscrew the cover and the busted bulbs.

And that was only half the job done.

Staying alone can be challenging, especially when the most unexpected things happen at the most inopportune times. Like the day I had flies in my fridge.

It happened last semester. My refrigerator fused the night before my first exam paper, which was thankfully, in the afternoon.

It took me 15 blackouts and three hours to realize the cause of the problem.

I managed to get the electricity back up that night, at the expense of the fridge being plugged out. As I studied that night away and as I was taking my exam, the food in the fridge slowly rotted away.

When I got back to open the doors of the fridge, I was greeted by flies and the stench of death. Everything inside decomposed.

I tried very hard to hold my breath but that only resulted in me breathing through my mouth. Not very wise when there are insects lurking around.

Other than such occasional hiccups and the obvious fact that my family is not physically by my side, staying alone doesn’t really stink that bad.

There are perks. I get the family car (which overheated today – bringing it to the mechanic, by the way, is not a perk), there’s no one to nag at me and there’s no one to vie with me for the television remote.

But more importantly, it’s a learning experience.

In a way, I’m no different from the students in NTU who go overseas for exchange programmes or the Global Immersion Programme, or Singaporean students who went overseas after their ‘A’ levels. We all had to cope with a new situation and a different environment.

For some, the transition is effortless. My brother told me he took a week to get used to life in Perth. For others, moving away from their comfort zone can be difficult. But those who have had more obstacles to overcome are usually the ones who come back a lot stronger.

During this period that I’m exploring the meaning of the words “independence” and “responsibility”, my parents have been adjusting to life in China.

Before the economic downturn, my dad probably thought he wouldn’t have to work after turning 55. Now at 61, he has had to get over that disappointment and soldier on.

Although my mom went over simply to accompany him, it hasn’t always been a stroll in the park for her. You see, she doesn’t speak, write or read the Chinese language.

Yet she didn’t have second thoughts about going over despite the potential communication problems.

To me, it doesn’t matter whether it was by choice or by circumstance that she is learning arguably one of the most important languages in the world.

Making an attempt at this stage of life (I couldn’t possibly reveal her age, could I?) is something to be proud of.

In many ways, my being alone at home constantly reminds me that they are there - there facing far greater obstacles than I.

I’m still where home is and where my friends are. So when the tough times come round, I draw inspiration from them before confronting the next challenge.

Across the oceans, I believe the one thing every member of my family has in common is our need for adaptation.

Having said that, the need to adapt is something we all could get used to. Because as cliché as it sounds, the only constant in life is change.

For now, I’ve got to buy some light bulbs. It’s time for a change and brighter days ahead.

A breather

2005-10-17T16:38:00.000+08:00

Now that 301 and assignment 3 of 312 is out of the way, i can take a few hours to breathe before confronting the next few tasks. Can't believe it took me till 730am to get the assignment done cause I thought it'd be fun and that it'll remind me of lit and prac crit days. I hate word limits...

I just realised how close the exams are and i'm more worried about my biz module than all my cs modules put tog hurhur... I'm so not gg to have time to deal with it till probably 2 weeks from now.

This is damn random but today outside lecture, I thought I saw a "man u fan" in a chelsea jersey (w Lampard printed on the back). And indeed I didn't see wrongly! And although i wasn't that surprised, i still asked: "Aren't you a man u fan?" And he said he likes lampard so i said...well, lampard can be put on an england jersey. And he said his roomate bought it for him and he's abandoning a sinking ship (man u) and chelsea keep winning. Hurhurhurhur... When the lesson ended I bumped into him again at the carpark and he shouted through his helmet: "Blackburn relegated yet?" Sometimes I really wonder what I did to have to put through all these bad jokes (lack of a better term).. Maybe just maybe they beat united away. But ooops of coz that's not his problem anymore. I forget he swopped the red for the blue.

Ok, next up, FMD!

Awful + tired = awfully tired

2005-10-15T17:49:00.000+08:00

Yesterday and the day before was just absolute madness. So I've decided to give myself this Saturday off. Even though on Monday, I have 301 presentation, 312 assignment to hand up... and 311 to hand up on thursday... and interviews to arrange... and so many things to do. Plehh.

Had soo much to say when the events happened. And now that their over, i'm almost too tired to blog it all out again. But here goes:

Thursday night after ST offstone, I drove home. And when I was on the PIE, I heard hissing sounds - not the snake kind lah, the hose kind. Yes, a pipe broke, the one where water cools the engine. And all the water escaped. And once again, my eyes popped out of their sockets as the needle inched closer and closer to H. It was gone after I parked the car. Not a drop of water left. Only smoke, steam, whatever. Burnt burnt burnt.

It didn't help that it was raining. It didn't help that I wanted to have the first proper meal of the day. It didn't help that I still had fmd to do. It didn't help that it was production night and so would the next day.

I welcomed instant noodles back to my life for the first time in 10 months. Then the phone rang and fatty said she just had a break up. From that moment on, I almost forgot about all my problems and things I had to do because I knew that this was so much worse. I shan't elaborate too much on what happened the next few hours since this is a public domain.

I managed to finish fmd at 830am and sneaked in a wink before getting towing services to bring the car to the workshop. Sigh..they called to say it would cost $2.6k. Another dagger just strikes the heart. The costs over these 2 weeks can be used to buy half a coe man. Wth.....

And no the day was not over. It was just the beginning..of a new one. Took cab to school and struggled with production. It was difficult to say the least. I just wasn't functioning so it took very looooong. And in my mind I always wanted to get back to fmd but in the end i just left it as it is. I had no creative juices to think of ways of restructuring it. And I didn't want it to come out worse than it already was so in the end, I made no changes. So I left it knowing it could be better, if only I could sit down properly and do it... and that fact really disturbs me. Would love to have left with a bang but even the sports pages weren't fantastic.

Had my first meal on friday at 10pm. Yay pizza on the house, paid by the school. We finished at 11pm and it was fitting to stay all the way till the end on the last issue by this team. I will miss production even though it's hair-pulling.

Many thanks to Chengji, my partner in crime. Haha. He's a great person to work with :) Patient, thorough and funny at times, which provides us all some comic relief. But most importantly, I thank him for his tolerance of my inability to appear on Thursdays.

Went over to fatty's and chatted till she feel asleep... then came back and suffered a complete knock out. zzzzzzZZZZZzzzzz...

I miss my car. Come back soon please. It's very different without your presence...

Ok. I'm going to stop. This is too angsty a post. Blackburn please cheer me up with a good result at Anfield. And so I don't have to deal with insensitive comments and jokes which at this mood, I won't take well.

Let's end with the only good news from the past two days. I'm going back to ST is January.

Cheers, I'm out.

This is why I love sports

2005-10-11T22:35:00.000+08:00

I love following sports because in every day, in every match, there is a story. And i don't mean a news story.

Marc's piece is a great one. Or rather Lam's story. I don't follow much about our local golfers. Know their names, and that's about it. But i made some effort to follow the results of this qualifier. Though the other day I was watching Tiger Woods and Daly battle it out until..6 or 7am. Haha. But mostly because I screwed my body-clock more than anything else.

And so this is about choices, about sacrifices, about believing in yourself and believing in others who believe in you, about passion (just about the most used or overused word in chron sports which we gotta get rid off...), about overcoming obstacles and the odds, about a victory, in more ways than one. It showed me again, why i love supporting underdogs, as they were.

I remember when I went to paginate last Thursday. It was the first day of this World Cup qualifier and the news came in that S'pore was leading day 1. And the ppl who had to call the shots on what should be on the cover page were saying that this is a must. And then they joked that it won't be for more than one day. Hurhurhur. And what happened? They led all the way until the final day where they had a very slight hiccup but still finished joint-first.

I love the ending of this story. The kicker is really superb. It sums everything up so well. :)

From disaster to dream
By Marc Lim
Sports Correspondent

BY any golf professional's standards, Lam Chih Bing's year has been a disaster.

Without an Asian Tour card and having to rely on country exemptions, the 28-year-old Singaporean has competed in only eight events this year.

Worse, he has made the cut only twice, earning a meagre US$2,512 (S$4,226).

Yet, what seemed like a nightmare season has changed after just one weekend.

Suddenly, Lam has a date to tee off with the world's top golfers in next month's World Cup in Portugal, after he and Mardan Mamat combined to finish joint-first in the Cup qualifier in Kuala Lumpur.

He is also guaranteed a decent pay packet because the least he will earn from the World Cup is half of the US$40,000 prize money set aside for the last-placed finishers at the event.

Said Lam: 'Getting to play in the World Cup with the best players in the world, it's priceless. The money is, of course, important too.

'But what I have gained most from the weekend is confidence and self-belief.'

The past 10 months have been the worst since he turned pro in 2000, with his confidence hitting rock bottom.

And all because he wanted to improve his game.

Although he enjoyed his most lucrative year on tour last year, raking in US$24,434 and finishing 72nd on the Order of Merit, he knew his game was still not good enough.

So he altered his swing, only to realise it made his game worse.

He said: 'I was going through a complete overhaul. I'm usually someone who relies on how I feel on the ball when I swing.

'But the changes I was going through required me to be more technical. It just went against my style.

'I just lost all confidence and found myself hesitating before every shot. Am I standing right? Are my arms in the correct position?'

It was not until the Singapore Open last month that Lam was persuaded to return to his old swing by an old friend.

'He said he was shocked because my swing was totally different. He told me that he never thought I had a problem with my drives. It was just my short game,' Lam recounted.

It is a part of his game he devotes 75 per cent of his time to, or about three hours a day. He creates different scenarios, allowing him to expand his variety of shots and putts.

At the qualifier, he showed that his booming drives have returned, averaging 280 metres off the tee.

His only problem was to put his second shot on the green consistently.

That consistency will be needed if he is to succeed at the Japan Tour's qualifying school next week. The Japan Tour is where he recorded his best finish, sixth place at the 2001 Aiful Cup for a $47,000 cheque.

Lam, who holds a Bachelor of Business Finance degree from the University of Arizona and a Masters in Business Administration from the University of Leicester, does wonder if he should just call it a day on a stuttering golf career.

'If I had gotten a normal job after my degree, I'd probably be making good money,' said Lam, who has earned about $200,000 in his five years as a pro.

'Many times, I just have to rely on the goodwill of my sponsors, Nokia and Callaway, for financial support.

'But golf is something I love. It's hard to explain to anyone why I continue to slog at it when even I sometimes wonder myself.

'Then an opportunity like playing at the World Cup comes along. And suddenly it all makes sense again.'

Nuts over The Apprentice

2005-10-10T02:07:00.000+08:00

I really like this show! I wonder if they sell it in dvd form like they do for shows like CSI. I think I'll just buy them all!!! I think the concept and everything is very gd.

And now i'm on the nbc site clicking on all the previous episodes! Waiting for them to download. Yes, because while they are showing season 3 now, i missed q a bit of two so i wanted to see who won. And thanks to my super duper itchy fingers and i-cant-wait-to-find-out-NOW urge i clicked on this season's and so now i know who won. And i regret that action for spoiling the fun for the remaining episodes. Hurhur. Serves me right.

Anyway, I thought this episode (the one on ch 5) tonight was really good! I liked the task~

Ok back to the clips now. Finished downloading. Gee i'm gg to be there for awhile. Thanks to itchy fingers. Now I might as well watch everything!!

Oh and martha stewart is gg to be the next apprentice boss. Hurhur i wonder if that comment was a spoiler. I can't tell you see coz im so not sure whats gg on and evidently, i just found out ><

Update: omg they do have apprentice on dvd. but i only see season one. still q excited about that fact though.

And i'm eagerly awaiting this. Releasing on Oct 31.

I finally know what to do with my borders voucher. it will be related to trump/apprentice/friends. yay.

Seeking inspiration

2005-10-09T20:03:00.000+08:00

I told myself that i must finish the Frankly, my dear column by tomorrow at worst. I'm trying to get it done by tonight and so I tried to seek a lil inspiration. Logged on to STI to read archived stories.

Ok, this is really dated, and maybe most people have read it already. No prizes for guessing who the author is. Evidently, it's Sumiko Tan.

And since my FMD topic is about staying alone at home, this kinda helped. And I could really relate to the ending (80%-20%), not just about staying alone but arguably with regards to singlehood as well. I must say, it REALLY gets to you (staying alone) when you're sick, which was the case for me the past few days. Had to eat my words when I was at the end of some nagging when my mom noticed my sore-throat-cum-blocked-nose voice.

Jan 13, 2003
Do mothers really know best?
I suppose it's natural for mothers to want their daughters to get married, and to marry well, but when that does not happen, they really shouldn't nag

MY MOTHER just doesn't get it.

It was Christmas Eve and I had come home from work early.

I was without a date that night, which was perfectly fine with me. I had planned it that way.

It had been raining and the weather was chilly by Singapore standards.

I was looking forward to changing into my pajamas early, flinging open my bedroom windows so that I could hear the patter of the rain, then crawling into bed to watch TV.

What a luxury.

'What's for dinner?' I asked her, adding that I had a sudden urge to eat Myojo instant noodles.

Okay, instant noodles are, admittedly, not holiday cuisine. But I was really up to there with the fruitcake, logcake, sweets, cookies and chocolate I had been stuffing myself with the past month.

Sugar was beginning to drip from my eyes. My weighing machine was displaying an alarming figure never seen before.

All I wanted was a bowl of steaming hot, salty, MSG-laden instant noodles topped with lots of sliced chilli padi.

My mother could barely contain her sigh.

'Why can't you have a proper boyfriend and have a romantic dinner tonight?' she asked.

It's a by-now familiar refrain.

Every time Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day and my birthday come around, she will pass comments along the lines of why I don't have a 'proper' date and why I'm not leading a more 'romantic' life.

I rolled my eyeballs, and told her: It's Christmas Eve. I don't want to go out tonight. It's my choice. It's not like I can't get myself invited somewhere.

It's raining. It's wet. It's crowded outside. There are traffic jams. Lots of cars. Restaurants are packed. I'm happy to be at home. With the TV. And my instant noodles.

But she doesn't get it.

I'm not sure what she has in mind when she talks about 'romantic' dinners. Does she envision candlelight? Violins? Champagne? Caviar? Crashing waves?

Sorry, Mum, even if these 'romantic' scenarios do exist beyond advertising images and Korean soap dramas, I'm so tired of the dating scene I'm no longer turned on by anything.

MOTHERS, I know, want the best for their children, and my mother can't understand why I'm still not only single, but also dateless on these important days of the year.

While I'm happy with my marital status, she clearly is not.

Every once in a while, I'd catch her muttering about why I can't find a 'Prince Charming' - her words - to rescue me from what she sees as an existence of working-life drudgery.

It puzzles me why she advocates such an idealised image of marriage, given that she hasn't witnessed too many fairy-tale examples herself.

And has she already forgotten the cautionary tale of Princess Diana? She found a real-life Prince Charming all right, and her life went downhill from there.

But my mother speaks sadly of how I can't find a 'nice young man' - though I've noticed that she has discreetly dropped the 'young' now that I'm no longer quite that myself.

She speaks of how nice it'd be if I found a good man who will marry me and -get this - give me a 'big allowance every month'.

Isn't that what every woman wants, she asks. Someone to support her financially? So she doesn't have to work?

No, I tell her, frankly quite appalled to discover she thought this way. Not every woman wants that.

I like working. Very much. I'd be frustrated if I had to stay home and be a housewife like you. I like having a job that preoccupies, even obsesses, me. I like having the chance to meet all kinds of people, anytime and anywhere I like, men and women.

I like not having the responsibility of husband and children. I like being alone sometimes, and I like the freedom to date any man I like. Most of all, I really, really like earning my own money, and spending it the way I please.

The money I earn each month gives my life purpose and meaning. It makes me feel that I've accomplished something. I'd be so unhappy if I had to spend my life at home waiting for a man to hand me my monthly 'allowance'.

No, I tell her, not every woman wants a husband who can give her a fat 'allowance'. In fact, not every woman even wants a husband.

But my mother just doesn't get it.

ON NEW YEAR'S EVE, I had to eat my words.

I had once again not planned for anything that night, which was just as well for I was feeling flu-ish. I had a fever, sore throat and headache.

I came home early from work. I thought that, like Christmas Eve, I'd be happy to laze the night away in front of the TV.

I was wrong.

The rainy spell had cleared and a beautiful, clear evening stretched ahead. I had nothing to do, and it was only 5 pm.

My mother, perhaps taking the cue from my Christmas Eve outburst, did not prepare anything special for dinner.

I ate leftovers, then spent six hours in front of the TV watching a DVD about four single women in New York lamenting about love and singlehood.

At midnight, I heard merry-making in the neighbourhood. I switched off the TV and went to sleep. My throat was sore, my head was throbbing.

What a bummer.

THE thing about singlehood is this: There are good moments, and there are bad moments.

For me, the good - 80 per cent - far outweighs the bad - 20 per cent.

The way my mother sees it, the bad outweighs the good. I suppose that's why she keeps nagging.

But my New Year's Eve blues made me understand a little better where she's coming from.

When she urges me to find a good man, it's not because she's ashamed or embarrassed that I'm still single.

It's that she knows she cannot be there to take care of me forever. And before she goes, she wants to be assured I won't be alone when she's gone; that there's someone to do for me what she's doing now.

So, yes, it is irritating when she nags me to find a decent man.

But I suppose that if she were to stop, it'll mean she has stopped caring, and that's not something I want.

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Another piece that caught my attention for different reasons is this one. It's amazing that she's arguably for the men, not that this is good or bad. Her points are really interesting. But I really wonder when, MEN will argue for WOMEN'S RIGHTS. That will really be the day man.

Oct 9, 2005
Children born out of wedlock
The men pay, but where's their say?

SOMEONE I know just found out that her husband has been keeping a mistress and has a five-year-old son out of wedlock.

The woman, who is in her 50s, said she hired a private investigator after she noticed that there were toys in her husband's car that clearly belonged to a child much younger than their children.

She later saw a copy of a boy's birth certificate which named her husband as the father.

'The address on the birth certificate was our home address. I wonder what will happen when the boy turns six and needs to register for school? Will the MOE send the letter to us?' she wonders aloud.

Clearly, she has gone past the crying stage. Although the $3,000 a month in maintenance which her husband pays to the other family niggles at her, the family is wealthy enough to afford it. It was the 'administrative' aspect of the relationship that interested both of us.

Can the other woman just put down her husband's name as the father even though they are not married, she wonders.

Statistics show that the institution of family is under more strain today than ever before. Over the past decade, divorce rates have doubled from 3.8 divorces per 1,000 married women in 1980 to eight divorces per 1,000 married women in 2003.

As a result, there are now more single-parent households. In 2000, there were about 18,000 households headed by single parents with children aged below 16, up by 38 per cent from 1990.

Children born out of wedlock make up 3 per cent of single households. Last year, there were 541 births where the father's name was not stated in the birth certificate, up from 417 cases in 1994, making it the highest number in more than a decade.

These numbers do not capture families in which the mother is a mistress and the child is registered under the name of his biological father. According to lawyers I spoke to, a woman can name her lover as the child's father, even though they are not married. She doesn't even need his consent to do so.

In Singapore, land of the Women's Charter and pro-family policies, a man cannot be a bigamist but apparently, he is free to sow his wild oats and head as many households as his wallet can support.

For family lawyer Foo Siew Fern, there is nothing wrong with the way things stand. You cannot make adultery illegal. So if a man wants to sleep around, he has better take responsibility for his actions, says the straight-talking lawyer who has been handling matrimonial cases for 14 years.

There are two ways in which the man can take responsibility, she says. One is to settle the matter with a lump-sum payment. The other is to pay monthly maintenance. The reasoning is that a child has a right to claim his biological father's assets, whether his parents are married or not.

The chairman of the Government Parliamentary Committee for the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports, Mr Sin Boon Ann, puts it this way: 'As a choice of society's values, we have decided under the Women's Charter to make it a right of women to expect monogamous marriages as a measure of decent conduct.

'So when a man begins to have dalliances with other women and worse still, has issues from that relationship, should the mistress be penalised? More importantly, should the child be penalised?

'For the mistress, I think our position is clear. A person who knowingly enters into a relationship with a man cannot and should not be expected to benefit from that relationship legally.'

It is the child, he argues, who should be entitled to maintenance from his father.

He makes two important points: A man should pay for his mistake and the child should not be made to suffer because two adults have made a mistake.

This is something that few would argue with. But I would argue that while the man should pay for his mistake, he did not make the mistake alone. Unless the woman was raped, she was a consenting partner in the relationship.

If we speak then of a mistake committed by two people, surely both should have a say in how this mistake can be rectified?

Why should it be that the woman can compel the man to fork out maintenance money because she wants to keep the child? Think of the reverse situation: If she does not want to carry the child, but the man does, he cannot compel her to carry the baby to term.

Why is the relationship asymmetrical in this way? Both parties should have equal say in whether to have the baby or not, and in how to take care of the child.

If the woman wants to keep the baby, she should either persuade her partner to agree or make sure that she can afford to bring up the baby herself. If neither party wants the child, then she can either abort or carry the child to term and give it up for adoption.

If she does not want to do either, then she must be prepared to pay for the child's upbringing herself.

I do not argue for abortion, but I do argue for the right of the man, as well as the woman, to choose. Now, it seems that the man, and by extension his 'first' family, do not have a choice.

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Ok, very lengthy post indeed. Feel like a new lease of life now that I can breathe through my nose. Shall hit the treadmill and do a few ks. While thinking about how to write my FMD of coz. Man, i really hope it turns out good.

Watch out for the deadly Dutch

2005-10-09T05:14:00.000+08:00

The last World Cup was one to forget because it lacked the presence of Holland. Thankfully, they've topped a tough group in style and next June, there will be something to look forward to :) Whooppeee!

Flying Finn

2005-10-08T18:36:00.000+08:00

It's been one week already and I'm still admiring what has to be one of my favourite goal-celebrations :) Check out the elevation. Wheeee...

Introducing Shefki Kuqi, Blackburn's flying Finn!

I could do with watching this celebration week in and week out. Too bad it's international week this week. Maybe next week =p

My pet peeve

2005-10-08T02:25:00.000+08:00

Isn't it lovely when people remember things you've done?
Isn't it lovely when people remember the things they have done for you?
Isn't it lovely when people remember things you've said?
Isn't it lovely when people remember the things they said to you?
Isn't it lovely when people remember what you like?
Isn't it lovely when people remember what you dislike?

Remembering. It's important. For some, it requires a lot of effort. For some, it is effortless. But when they do remember, to me, it means a lot and it shows a lot.

And that brings me to my pet peeve. I hate it when certain people forget certain things.

But maybe that's just a case of expectation. It failed once again. When will I learn to expect nothing?

Compelling video

2005-10-06T00:02:00.000+08:00

We watched an interesting video for public affairs reporting class today. It's a real trial that happened in the US (and how i wish i knew the verdict) and i must say, it's even more drama than what you can watch on tv.

In short (from the bits and pieces i gathered), a 7 year old boy was killed, apparently he was knocked down and it was a hit-and-run incident.

The kid was the only child and the parents went through great lengths to have him, i doubt it was natural fertilisation i didnt q catch it but nvm u know what i mean! And he suffered from epilepsy and has seizures once in a while.

So basically one night, this committee organised a snowball fight for kids and was held near his house. But because his house lights blew, they took safety measures and brought in the boundary (further away fr the road). In any case, he was hit outside the boundaries. And his dad claims he saw a SUV hit his kid and remembered the first 3 letters of the license plate. But because the light was out and it all happened too quickly, he couldn't see the driver and he couldn't recognise the exact colour of the car (only knows it was a dark colour).

Evidence agt the accused include skidding marks (supposedly to prove hit-and-run); abdomen and head injuries to the boy; plastic chip/glass pieces from a car (that cld have been affected by the snow).

The accused is a guy who drives an SUV. He had a drink that night so it put him over the limit. And ironically, he has a problem with alcoholism after his wife died in a hit-and-run accident (talk about drama man). He said that he didn't hit anyone and that the dents caused to his car happened when he was having his drink. He didn't report it then but called his mechanic to get it fixed.

One witness was the neighbour who said she too saw a car hit the boy and remembered the first 3 alphabets and the first no. i think. Anyhow, she added that after the boy got hit, the mom performed CPR on him - one hand on his abdomen and one hand at the back of his head in an attempt fr preventing his head from banging agt the concrete floor. (guess where the abdomen and head injuries came from..urgh)

And this sort of correlates to a medical expert who said that the boy's death or rather the injuries he sustained need not have been the result of getting hit by a car.

All in all, it looked super bleak for the plaintiff side of things. And I just felt very sad for them. (After this tutorial, im sure i can't be a crime/court reporter coz im too emotional for this man. I think if there's a very sad case I'll weep with the victim's family...)

I'm pretty confident that the accused was pronounced not guilty. And i think the parents would be very devastated, especially the mom. Because now, if anything, it makes it look like she had a big part to play in his deaths. Oh ya, the kid was supposed to be wearing a headgear but he wasn't. So that, coupled by not fixing the light, and in her state of panic, the badly badly performed CPR, just pushes a lot of blame on her.

(One thing that got me confused and wasn't addressed was that if there were skid marks, there wld have been a loud screech and there were so many ppl surely ppl would have heard right? And the snowball fight involved other kids so why weren't there more eyewitnesses...but anyway.....)

Definitely, nth will bring her child back or save the situation. But having an accused to put the blame on would take away a lot of guilt and responsibility. When all she wanted to do was to save her child, her only child, but she didn't have the knowledge, the technique, the state of calm......

And even if she did have a part to play, the car hitting him was a big factor to the death, even if he didn't die from the impact it caused.

When things do wrong, the blame game starts. And it's always incredibly difficult to not just admit that you were wrong/partly wrong but to truly believe you were at fault. Sad but true, we do that too often in our everyday lives...the lies we tell ourselves.

In most cases, we all could have done better.

Repair? Nightmare.

2005-10-04T23:21:00.000+08:00

And so i got the car back 2 hrs later than promised. Hence was late for class but i wonder why i even have to bother explaining myself when all i got back was "but you drive". maybe just maybe i was stuck waiting for the mechanic to finish the job.

and guess what? after telling me i had to change 3 expensive parts BEFORE alignment of wheels can be done, i got back the car a lot less aligned than before i changed the tyres!

for one, the steering wheel is not straight. it's badly slanted to the right and so i veer to the left when the wheel is straight. sigh. how ironic.

then, my horn and air bag which were perfectly fine before this are not fine any more. and i've to go back agn tom. which i would have done so anyway because the repairs were so bad. *shakes head*

when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. right. and how?

p.s while waiting at the shop (they have a shop next door that sells all car-related products), i actually contemplated manual car washing. i wonder if im up to it! when i dont even bother to clean the house much lol. yet the idea seems kind of fun and perhaps it could offer me one form of exercise hohoho...

p.p.s i know when i leave chron, i will miss coming up with headlines. pun-ny, corny, cheesy ones! ha. im so pissed. for the first time in my blogging history, i thought of 2 titles. usually i hate having to think of titles. "This is driving me nuts" shall be title no.2 *growl*...

Venting it out

2005-10-03T17:27:00.000+08:00

Today I was awoken by loud hammering sounds right above my floor. Yes, that's weird coz I stay on the highest floor. What on earth are they doing to the roof at 10, 11am? Don't they know that some people might still be asleep?! Granted, if they did it at any time of the day I might still be asleep lol but 10am is a bit earlyyy. Especially when needed a superhuman effort to finish my stupid assignment, which i managed to at 630am. It better be good man, it better be good.

And so to hand up my assignment, i actually attended a lecture i haven't done for awhile. 3 strikes and the lecturer was out you see and after sitting through this one, i know 1) my guilt is eased cause i reckon i havent been missing much and 2) it is evident im not the only person who thinks this way because from a full lt of about 15 rows, less than 4 rows are filled.

You hear news of ppl getting sued coz of what they blog. Honestly, there's no reason why people can't have and express an opinion of that sort. I mean, when students get back bad grades, that's how much the teacher values our work right? To them, it was poor or average or shit. Teachers aren't graded but well, i think i don't have to be too explicit for ppl to get an idea that some teachers just don't do their job too well. And since this is a communication school i'm in, i reckon non-verbal communication (i.e less than 30% of the cohort attending a particular lecture) speaks volumes.

As much as people should be responsible about comments they make, people at the end of comments also 1) shouldn't take it too personally 2) treat it as feedback and try and improve.

Anyway shan't dwell too much on that, you never know who is reading ><

Finally, after great procrastination (i realise im good at that), i went to get my car tyres changed. Only to be compounded by super bad news that this and that and this and that and that and this is spoilt. Wow, great, sigh...over 2k trying to fix all these things.

Going to repair the car always always gives me the creeps. Damn fearful that they'll tell you things are broken. And especially insecure coz i noe nuts about cars and some of the stories i heard about getting ripped off. I mean, honestly, when i drive it feels fine lol. I hope i can feel the difference when i get the car back. Sigh i feel empty without it and will miss it till i get it back tom. Welcome back ez-link.

On a lighter note, let me share this. I've been thinking of engraving ideas for the ipod which i havent saved up for. LOL. And i came across this:

The best and the worst ideas people have come up with.

Wash only in dehydrated water
Music sold separately
Will kill for iPod
Who said 4 inches isn't big enough?
This'll be tough to sell on eBay now...
iPod therefore iPoor (i really like this one =p)
There's No 'We' in 'iPod'
Drop me just once... and we're through!
Thanks for last night...XOXO Jessica Simpson
When I'm grown-up, I'll be a PowerBook 17'
If you find this unattended I lost $500 again
Don't drop me and tell me I bounce
Forgive me for being so good looking
Quit rubbing me, There's no friggin' genie

And apparently, they reject certain suggestions. For example: If stolen, i will fuc*ing kill you!

Hahahaha....

Sick

2005-10-02T22:30:00.000+08:00

:( fever. sore throat. the-sneeze-bug. cough. :( sigh. i feel dizzy and this feeling sucks.

Bye bye spam, hello all

2005-09-30T00:52:00.000+08:00

Heeded alvin's advice and turned the word verification on, whatever that is! I hope thats the end of all the spam comments.

Never bothered with the options before. So since I was there, I've opened up the comments to everyone, not just blogspot users.

Amazing race is back!

2005-09-28T21:48:00.000+08:00

Omg one of my fave television shows is debuting today. And i missed part 1 on channel 5 and the SCV one =( Boo!

Just realised part 2 begins in 10 minutes yay. I wonder who i will support. Maybe the LINZ hurhurhur for obvious reasons. ;)

Random thoughts

2005-09-28T19:17:00.000+08:00

1. yay there will be a ben and jerry's parlour at suntec soon! opening on the first week of october lalala. caught my eye on the restaurant/cafe directory today, was so pleased but when i went to the unit, it was under renovation =/ man is the directory updated fast lol.

2. a student wrote in to compliment chron especially this column section called frankly, my dear. heh suddenly feel a bit pressured coz i may be writing the next FMD. pls do a good job. must leave chronicle with a bang! hmm shdn't say leave though cause chron will always be with me. hope the next team will enjoy it as much as i did.

i don't think we get many compliments. certainly not that i know of. but i guess, sometimes one is enuff. because it does take a lot to bother to write in right? hopefully many share his sentiments but just too lazy to mail us haha.

3. work is driving me nuts. got a 1000 feature to complete by tom and i must score cause didn't do great at all for the first :( some morale, pride and grades to salvage... and then a feature idea with a singaporean theme. and i have noooo idea. what's new? what's refreshing? what would he like to read about? hurhur probably anything sex-related but ive no contacts lol.

4. i think it's funny how pool-chelsea are meeting tonight in the champs league and again this weekend for epl. and the same home and away teams, how rare is that.

5. i just realised that there's about 5 weeks till exams. omg and i screwed or what?

6. thanks to all the people who congratulated me on blackburn's victory haha. i know, it sounds funny and it is :) it felt as if i was a player lol. but i could do with that heh because i don't mind being reminded about the scoreline =p

7. CS301CS311CS312MB214CS301CS311CS312MB214
CS301CS311CS312MB214CS301CS311CS312MB214
CS301CS311CS312MB214CS301CS311CS312MB214
CS301CS311CS312MB214CS301CS311CS312MB214. bahhhhhh.

8. i love the apprentice and im intrigued by trump. can't find a better term to express what i think about him. anyway, by chance, i encoutered this. http://donaldtrump.trumpuniversity.com/ apparently his blog! wonder if he really writes it haha. not a bad read.

9. dinner. hmm a better thought. im out.

From tnp

2005-09-27T23:20:00.000+08:00

Just my kind of read haha. Probably one of the few things that will inspire me to take maths seriously. Come to think about it, probability was my fave topic for A level maths LOL.

All thanks to good old mathematics
By Ng Tze Yong
September 27, 2005

IN the glittering casinos of Las Vegas, a Singapore student has been hitting the jackpot.

Mr Zhang Zhihao, 22, even gets the VIP treatment from some casinos, such as Las Vegas Hilton.

They shower him with free stays, meals and limousine rides just to make him come back.

But this Stanford University student is no high-roller.

He gambles until the total sum exchanged between him and the casino adds up to US$1,000 ($1,700). That's the minimum sum required for a free stay, he says.

And he boasts a 'special skill' which he claims can make every trip to the casino a 'sure-win'.

He is not exactly a 'god of gamblers' like Li Nanxing in the popular gambling drama, The Unbeatables.

Mr Zhang cannot predict dice rolls by twitching his ears.

Instead he does a quick calculation, using rules of probability, to determine the risks before placing his bets.

And, so far, this second-year economics and statistics student says his methods have worked.

'Gambling is the best way to see probability concepts at work in real life,' he told The New Paper while here recently for his college holidays.

Since last December, he has been to the casinos four times and each time, he says he makes an average of a few hundred US dollars.

He reveals his total winnings are in the low four figures so far.

He plans to make even more money by organising Las Vegas tours for anyone keen on casinos.

Tour participants will be taught how to place bets strategically and he promises to reimburse all losses from his own pocket.

Mr Zhang also hopes to work at one of the Integrated Resorts opening here in a few years' time.

To add to his 'gambling credentials', he is also applying to teach gambling at Stanford - a top university in California - in January.

If approved, it will fall under the Student-Initiated Course programme, where students are encouraged to teach their peers on a subject of their interest.

Mr Zhang plans to teach subjects ranging from simple casino terminology to methods of calculating the odds of different games.

It has already generated some excitement among fellow students.

Mr Daniel Novinson, a second-year economics and public policy student, tells The New Paper over the phone that he wants to attend the course.

The Detroit native said: 'I want to find out the maths behind gambling.'

BORROWING NOTES FROM PROF

To teach his course, Mr Zhang will be borrowing notes from Professor Michael Shackleford, an adjunct casino management professor at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas.

They met last year when Mr Zhang attended one of his classes.

The 40-year old gaming consultant shares Mr Zhang's interests.

'In gambling, there will always be luck involved,' Prof Shackleford told The New Paper. 'But knowing the maths behind it greatly empowers your game.'

A straight-A student in maths from PSLE to the A levels, Mr Zhang has always been interested in statistics and probability.

He represented Chinese High School in the inter-school Singapore Maths Olympiad.

He first visited Las Vegas last December. But he did his homework first. He practised on simulation casino games purchased online.

He also researched the different casinos and bought books on gambling from Amazon.com.

He found out how the different Vegas casinos cater to different crowds.

The famous ones on The Strip, the main thoroughfare in Las Vegas, cater for big-time gamblers and tourists.

Casinos off The Strip cater for the less serious gamblers and locals. These are less well-known but give better odds.

Mr Zhang frequents Sam's Town, a casino located 20 minutes by shuttle bus from The Strip.

Frugal by nature, he would sometimes skip the free limousine service offered by the casino and take the bus instead.

His reason: 'I don't like to waste money tipping the drivers.'

At Stanford, his weekly expenses come up to a mere US$30.

His room and university meal plan have been prepaid by his parents and he doesn't spend on much else.

Last year, he ate out four times.

He spends on travelling and buying books and VCDs online.

PARENTS DISAPPROVE

'I am a simple person and it is a personal maxim to never be over-indulgent,' he said.

Nevertheless, his parents aren't too happy to hear about his Vegas exploits. He is the only child of an IT consultant and his homemaker wife. They live in a condominium in Clementi.

Mr Zhang insists he gambles only with his winnings made since the first trip, when he used US$200.

'For me, gambling is just a hobby and a way to make some extra money,' he said.

Maximise your chance of winning

BEFORE you hit the roulette table, do some maths.

There are 38 slots in a roulette wheel - 18 red, 18 black and two green.

So if you bet on red, you are likely to lose 5.26 per cent of your money, meaning that the casino has a slight edge over you, says Mr Zhang.

It means that for every $100 you bet, you lose $5.26.

Mr Zhang explains the maths.

If you bet on red, the probability of your winning is 18/38 - and the probability of losing 20/38.

The odds are the same if you bet on black - 18/38.

Your expected winnings on your bet are calculated by the formula (18/38) x 1 +
(20/38) x (-1).

That gives -1/19, or -5.26 per cent. The negative sign shows the casino has an advantage over you.

Complicated?

Maths theories which Mr Zhang uses range from simple A-level math concepts to sophisticated ones dealing specifically with casino games.

Concepts such as the Central Limit Theorem and the Risk Of Ruin help Mr Zhang to estimate his odds and memorise optimal play.

STICKS TO VIDEO POKER

'The very nature of most games gives casinos an advantage,' he explained.

That's why casinos don't care how much a player wins in the short run. In the long run, they expect to win.

But Mr Zhang calculates the odds and gambles only when they are less heavily stacked against him. For example, he sticks to video poker.

'In real poker, there's psychology involved,' he said, noting that he won't be able to calculate his odds because other players could be bluffing.

He also gambles mostly during promotions, when casinos give players favourable odds in order to attract them during non-peak periods.

'It's as simple as knowing where and when to gamble.'